Midnight Sex Toy Rant

You know what I miss? I miss new sex toys that made me feel good, period. That were good quality and great to handle and fun and la la la god-I’m-coming-so-hard-fuck-me-harder-awesome. I miss that.

There’s a whole lot of money going into toy manufacturing right now that is all about “design.” And you know what that gets us? A whole lot of mediocre sex. Because “design” is code word for looks great, has a fancy box and sucks.

All the marketing mumbo jumbo we get fed and it all comes down to how the toy does in the bedroom.  Some companies are A-okay. I wish to focus future posts on them. But there’s a lot of crap coming out with no thought as to the reality of awesome, fun feel-good sex. Key word: Reality.

And i’m tired of it. I’m just really fucking tired of new toys coming out that miss their mark completely. I’m tired of the $100 toy that worked really well for 2 women I never got to meet.

Such a waste. I wish I had studied electronics or been more of a mechanical engineer type. I’d smash up a few of my favorite gizmos and create a franken-vibe that could rock us all to world peace.

I’m just tired of bullshit-consumerism slipping into our bedrooms. I like toys that make fucking more awesome. A sex toy is like a chain saw. Sure, you can still cut wood with an axe, but the chain saw makes it easier and more fun. (And who cares if the chainsaw is loud? You’re a fucking rock star when you use it!)

All I’m saying is, let’s stop worrying about our wallets so much and get back to the fun. And on that note, I think I’ll take my own advice. If you’ll excuse me…