This Ain’t No Sex in the City

22 Jan

I'm having a Bradshaw moment.

I don’t mean to get all Sarah Jessica Parker here, but as mentioned on my podcast I’m freshly exploring the single world. Never would I have imagined how DIFFERENT the single girl’s sex life can be from that of a close companionship. It’s a wholly separate skill set!

The juxtaposition is startling. Sex in a relationship was a safe arena for some friendly grappling. Now every encounter is a labyrinth of social forays, dodging insecurities and jousting witty dialogue. Then, past the sexts, the banter, the drinks and the flirt, there is still much to be navigated in the bedroom. Literally, sometimes. Try reaching for your safe sex protocol while keeping the fire burning while not burning oneself on flanking candlight all while wrestling that incessant mental monologue. That’s a lot, even for a pro.

With a career focused on sexual technique and behavior for some time now, this new “field research” is giving my internal sex map a cartographic extension.  In the vast landscape of the human condition, this is some righteous uneven ground.

Like a warrior in the fray of a messy battle, I find myself skillfully stumbling into both mistakes and triumph. At the end of every skirmish, I find a particular lesson relearned. It’s the rich jem of  knowing what I want AND what I don’t want and being able to give it voice. If one is like myself with a propensity for awkward moments, this skill triples in value.

Ideally, I rise from every hayride better for the experience. That’s as tall an order as this experience is humbling. And I am humbled. From where I stand, nothing is quite as sweet as doing exactly what is in accordance with one’s desire while also in accordance with one’s partner’s desire. Shakespeare & Socrates help sum it up best: in sex, like in life, know thyself & to thine own self be true, even when a bit bewildered.

3 Responses to “This Ain’t No Sex in the City”

  1. Cary January 22, 2012 at 7:19 pm #

    Really nicely put! As someone who is also stepping a toe back into the dating world I can relate to the ninja like skill one tries to have when dealing with anothers feelings as well as the physical. Now the tricky part is to find someone who cares as much about this and is open about communicating what they need/desire. Good luck to you out there and thanks so much for the great info. I feel a little more armed to get back out there.

    Cary ;)

  2. Kelly January 23, 2012 at 10:54 am #

    Wow, I love how you put things. I too am venturing into the dating world and it is rather frightening. Just had the first coffee date since I was 15 and boy was it strange. Where did all the normal, nice people go? Didn’t think that dating in my 30s would be quite like this. Thanks for the advice and I look forward to learning more!

  3. MeHappy January 24, 2012 at 7:22 pm #

    Reblogged this on finding me some happy.

Nerd out here & at the Sex Nerd Sandra facebook page!

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