Oh, pregnancy. I just learned a whole lot about buns in the oven today and it may have saved my life. Did you know doctors calculate one’s pregnancy due date by the first day of a female’s last period? And did you know doctors consider 14 days after that last crimson tide as the official egg-meets-sperm day, without much concern for mild inaccuracies? Yeah, it’s true. A doctor told me all about it over the internet (it’s actually a fantastic article on gyno history and math)
Oh man, fresh off the plane back from Japan and so much happening this Fall!
I’m both embarrassed and thrilled to find out this week that I’ve been cock blocked, quite literally, in my understanding of external prostate massage.
Lately, I’ve been obsessed with genitals. Or more specifically, their underlying structures. Recent time spent staring at Planned Parenthood’s diagrams (so detailed!) mixed with enlightening sex conference lectures have inspired me to take some of the fuzzier (read: enigmatic) pleasure areas and really flesh them out.
One spot of confusion has been the male perineum. That is, the space between the scrotum and the anal opening. The way I’ve always heard it, to pleasure the prostate externally, just “push up on the area behind the balls.” I’ve experimented pressing on this area on partners many a-time, with little more reaction than a shrug. I finally figured I was just a super lame-o and moved on to other hot spots.
Then it HIT me this week while studying up on internal male anatomy for my workshop on backdoor basics. Staring at the location of the prostate***, my gaze drifted downward and was startled to notice what lay just beneath the surface of the perineum.
Ahoy there! It be the bulb of the penis, where the deep end of the erection ends! Pressing up on the front half of the male perineum meets this bulb while the back half of the perineum has muscle, but no cock block. So it’s softer and offers up a secret pressure port to the prostate. Huh. Well look at that.
So, I realize now that I was pressing TOO FAR FORWARD! I always knew that an erection doesn’t end at the pubic mound. What I didn’t realize is that it ends close to the outside of the body, directly above the front half of the perineum! No wonder it always felt so hard! Duh!!!
And so my friends, we learn once again that, as with so many devilish delights, the pleasure is in the details.
***FYI The prostate gland is a walnut shaped rich bed of sensual nerve endings on male bodies that can be felt three or so inches past the anal open through the rectal wall toward the belly button. Ding dong! It originates from the same tissue source as the urethral sponge in women, commonly referred to as the G-spot.
Look! I did a video! Yeah, I know, I know, a new podcast every week but my face doth hide. Well, finally, I’ve compiled a list of books I think are tops in their given field and done a video to boot. I think I’ve earned a cookie. Muah!
“Guide to Getting it On” by Paul Joannides, Psy.D.
“Sex is Fun” by Kidder Kaper/ illustrated by Josh Lynch
“Moregasm” by Claire Cavanah & Rachel Venning
“The New Book of Topping/Bottoming” by Dossie Easton & Janet W. Hardy
“SM 101″ by Jay Wiseman
“Mating in Captivity” by Esther Perel
“365 Positions” by Lisa Sweet
“She Comes First” by Ian Kerner, Ph.D.
“Tickle His Pickle” by Dr. Sadie Allison
“The Multi-Orgasmic Man/Woman/Couple” by Chia, Chia, Abrams & Abrams, M.D.
My forte is sex ed, not marketing or blog interfacing, so until I figure out how to set up a side panel of Upcoming Events, here’s what’s comin’ up!
WORKSHOP: April 18th – teaching “Suck it, Lick it, Love it” oral sex on males and females @pleasurechestLA – 8pm free
LIVE SHOW: April 23rd – “Open Relationships: Love Outside the Box” SNS Podcast recording @nerdmeltla in hollywood – 8pm $10
LIVE SHOW: May 18th – Live SNS Podcast Recording (topic tba) @nerdmeltla in hollywood – 7:30pm $10
WORKSHOP: July 23rd – teaching “Beginner Booty Basics! ” – Good Vibes in San Francisco (details tba) $20/$25
And if you know how to wordpress better than me, help a sex nerd out!
I cannot contain sexual metaphors in a bowling alley. RESTRAINT I HAZ NOT! Bowling for Team Nerdist on their new fancy show, “All Star Celebrity Bowling” proved quite the learning experience. They were all pros of the camera.
RE Minute 5:15: “Geeze, Jonah. I was talking about Bowling. Get your mind out of the gutter.” *hyuck* #bowlingpun #couldn’t help myself
I’m inspired by a play I saw tonight. Set in 1963, The Magic Bullet Theory was a fun who-shot-JFK ride rich with witty dialogue. One topic that came up several times was blowjobs. One man-character says “women were put on this earth for 2 reasons: to suck our dicks and take our balls.”
Now, contextually, that remark fit with the character and his point, so I don’t mean to get all up in feminism’s business, but it did stir something in my psyche. Later in the story during a fabulous montage scene, a blowjob is artfully woven into the dance number for a brief few moments.
That blowjob buisness got me a little, well, distracted. First in the hot kind of way. Then I got kind of mad. The passionate voice in my head said,
“Why do I never hear women saying, ‘oh man, all I need right now is a good eating out,’ hmm? Why do I never get to see cunnilingus depicted in such a fun & casual manner? I’m not ALL flowers and cuddling, ya know!”
I’ve just never seen a woman portrayed that way. The character in the play receiving aforementioned head was a lawyer. He was a professional going about his job and having a little fun on the side. Good times all around. What if a woman were playing the part?
I’ve seen so many male characters in movies and stories triumphantly referencing receiving a blowjob as a thing of pride. Yet, on the female side of things, I don’t recall much in the way of a gleeful brag.
It seems to be a dark spot in pop culture. I mean, the concept of a man at his desk getting serviced by his intern/secretary/whoever is all too familar. Yet when do we see a woman expressing her enjoyment of the same kind of carnal attention? Rarely, in my mind. Of course, I haven’t taken in Game of Thrones or True Blood yet, so fingers crossed perspectives are expanding.
It’s safe to assume that enjoying oral sex is not a gendered activity. I’d like to see that reflected back at me in the stories we tell ourselves. Everyone is allowed to desire & enjoy some good old fashioned head, without shame or complication. And that’s what I have to say about that. xo
Guess what? The Sex Nerd Sandra Podcast has a new sponsor! The neat thing about sponsorship with a sex toy company is that as the episodes roll out, I can now actually make it easy to learn about geeky sex toy things AND have a place to send you with a great deal on products.
But for the moment, Adam & Eve and I are just dating (sounds… kinky). It would help the show out for you to show them you love us, AND get a great starter deal on goodies. You can click the link, or just go to AdamandEve.com and type in PROMO CODE: SEX NERD.
Here’s the deal. No matter who sponsors use, no matter what, I am only going to encourage listeners to get what’s right for them. That means healthy materials, ingredients and neato attributes that I think are super cool. K?
So, if you’re in the market for a new naughty thing-a-ma-jig, go to Adam and Eve. Why NOW?
Because, dude… this deal is redonk. I was even shopping on there.
- 50% Off almost anything (I was told everything and then I said “get a friggin We-Vibe 3! and then I found out those were only 25% off. But still, mostly!)
- FREE SHIPPING – I love free shipping so much.
- 3 FREE DVDs!
- A SECRET GIFT! (I’m guessing cockring or pocket rocket. I could be wrong, but how I love guessing games!)
Okay. I’m gonna stop sounding like a salesperson now. Toys are tools. Seriously, it’s not about what you have. It’s how you use it. Hugs!
P.S. WordPress is being weird with the hyperlinks. For now, here’s the raw link in case you like that sort of thing: www.adameve.com/landing.aspx?sc=SEXNERD&oc=GINSU2
My voice was on the radio this week on “The Dating Advice Girl Show” with Erin Tillman for the sex episode. I had a great time sharing my top tips for hookups and new relationships. At one point, Erin posed an interesting question:
“How many erogenous zones are there?”
Well, I knew the answer right away:
“There are no erogenous zones. The ENTIRE BODY is an erogenous zone! Every inch, every spot on the body has potential. And everyone is wired differently.”
I went on to explain that the concept of having erogenous zones is a framework or lens through which to view the body. It is a helpful tool, but NOT a definition of what we are. You can draw out as many zones as it takes to help you understand how to pleasure and enjoy the body.
When she asked the question, my mind flashed to the multitude of magazine covers hollering at the checkout line, “FIND OUT HIS NEW EROGENOUS ZONE!” and similar fresh takes on the human body. We’ve been boinking for thousands of years, my friends. There is nothing new. Only new perspectives.
For instance, here’s a list I whipped up of common nerve ending hot spots (HINT: This is NOT all inclusive!):
- Back of the neck
- Inner Elbow
- Between the fingers
- Base of the spine
- The ENTIRE pelvic region from belly button to thigh, back AND front
- Back of the knees
- Grazing with fingertips
- Licking (I dare you to come up with a dozen different licks)
- Open-mouthed incisor pressure and grazing (gentle vampire!)
- Sucking (no hickies!)
- Closed Mouthed Pecking
- Open Mouthed Kissing
- Tapping & Slapping
- and a mixture of these!
This, too, is not a comprehensive list, yet the variety you could discover just in your own creativity with the above verbs could keep you very busy for several sexy dates. What the magazines leave out in their headings is that the greatest bedroom tool we have is our creativity.
And here we arrive at the point. Creativity, the element oft left out of the sexual pleasure discourse. Empower yourself to experiment. Be the cartographer of your own erogenous zones and that of your lover. Explore, venture, discover.
Some may call this stuff foreplay. I call it a good time for always.
Okay. I’m gonna see if wordpress will be nice and my blog will behave. Here I’ve got 6 pics from this past week’s “Sex MacGyver” episode with Chris Gore of G4 & beyond!