Things to know:

1. Don’t be shy inviting your LA friends. Even if they seem a bit “vanilla” they will have MORE fun because of this.
2. Sex geeks are beeing shipped down from San Francisco just for YOU so they can tell us their crazy stories!
3. You will kick yourself for not going once you listen to the episode. SEEING IT LIVE TAKES IT TO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL!

BUY TICKETS! They’re $12 and very tasty. LA needs more action like this is its life. Get to it!

I’ve learned something deep in my butterfly place from this and it has toughened me. Forever and ever I will know that I cannot please everyone. And when I evolve, as we humans tend to do within our lifetime, some people’s expectations about what I provide them as a humongous sex nerd will not be met. Apologies ahead of time.

To my delight, I received a miserable email yesterday from a listener named “J R.” Take a gander:

“Hey, I’m a straight male who recently heard about your podcast and was excited to try it out. Sadly, it was incredibly useless. Like almost every other supposed ‘sex-positive’ resource, it has nothing to help me express and enjoy my sexuality.

Not only that, but you were stunningly oblivious to the double standards you were stating: I seriously doubt you would have spent the same amount of time discussing the merits of various fake vaginas, advocating for public male masturbation during the daily commute, and having an extended conversation attempting to help men get laid off of Craigslist. 

 

As usual, you’re a sex-positive feminist who is vastly interested in all types of sexuality except those of the average het cis male. Your guest in the first episode complained about the lack of male attendance at the cunnilingus classes – perhaps if you and her could take a fraction of the time you spend discussing vibrators and apply it to figuring out male sexuality, you’d know why they aren’t coming and how to get them to attend.”

LOS ANGELES 

FEB 1ST: @NerdMeltLA in West Hollywood

• 7pm NERDY SPEED DATING! It’s the version of speed dating that I’d actually WANT to go to! $15
• 9pm SEX NERD SANDRA LIVE! Come to a studio recording of the show! Topic: Being Single & the Mating Dance! 9pm $8/$10

Feb 6th: BLOWJOBS & BEYOND @PleasureChestLA 8pm Free

NEW YORK CITY

• FEB 21st: SEX NERD SANDRA LIVE: NYC Edition! OFFICIAL LOCATION: 61Local in Brooklyn just past Manhattan off the F&G lines. 8pm /$20
• Feb 22nd & 23rd: SEX NERD SANDRA LIVE!  & Daytime Sexuality Workshops! @THE NON CONFERENCE @Vassar College! $19/ Free for students!

SAN FRANCISCO – Good Vibes 6:30-8:30 each night

• Feb 25th: Booty Basics: Fun for Everybody! @GoodVibes on Polk Street. $20/$25
• Feb 26th: 50 Shades of Great Sex! @GoodVibes on Polk Street. $20/$25

Escaping the Sumo Suit at Dave’s Birthday Party

Scrolling through my cell phone pictures this evening, I saw a year that was possibly the most wonderful and most difficult I’ve ever had. Every once in a while I get a comment on something I’ve posted saying “Your life is so much more fun than mine!” Humored, I want to yell back, “Don’t compare your raw footage to my highlight reel!” 

With all the drama life can bring, there are also ENDLESS opportunities for friendship, adventure and sexy fun. So with all social network-y smoke & mirrors aside, here is a raw, honest retrospective of my year: 

• Sumo Wrestled
• Had a really awkward one night stand
• Met new relatives in Japan
• Came to understand the guitar
• Taught a lot
• Loved a lot
• Listened a ton
• Played trampoline dodge ball
• Spoke at my first conferences
• Befriended dozens of wonderful humans
• Found the famed panty vending machines of Tokyo
• Initiated a lot of difficult conversations
• Hosted many live shows
• Got really into Draw Something for a second
• Met one of my heroes
• Went zip lining
• Fell in love once
• Felt my heart break twice.
• Went to my first music festival.
• Got clinically depressed and then got better again.
• Met Bill Nye the Science Guy
• Felt plenty of fear, jealousy and rage
• Also felt a heaping dose of joy, gratitude and delight
• Learned how to take a compliment
• Hiked up to an abandoned California Nazi compound
• Experienced a neck orgasm
• Learned to sing again
• Volunteered my time
• Nursed a friend in the hospital
• Almost lost a parent
• Had countless epiphanies
• Freaked out about writing a book
• Discovered a hammock garden in Austin, TX.
• Saw my sister graduate high school
• Kissed a woman on the evening news
• Let many people down and surprised others
• Finally brought out the accordion I inherited
• Coordinated, planned and released a podcast every week
• Sexted a super naughty picture.
• Learned how to throw a punch
• Had my first swing dance in 10 years
• Went to Disneyland
• Made friends with a sex machine
• Saw Barack Obama in person
• Got space shuttle Endeavor to fly right over my head
• Won a costume contest
• Braved a singles event
• Applied to grad school
• … And asked for many fantastic hugs

Wow, sex really is part of a healthy, balanced life diet. Cheers to a frackin’ fantastic 2013!!!

MANTRA #1: “I’m Going to Make You Cum”

VARIATION: ”I’m really good at fellatio/cunnilingus/[insert sex act here]“

Orgasm is not the goal. That would be pleasure. Orgasm is what happens when you’re busy having fun. A demanding sexual ego = Not Fun. Send that buzz kill of an expectation packing and enjoy everyone’s genitals unclenching. 

MANTRA #2: “Am I doing this right!?”

VARIATION: “Oh please like this. Please, oh please?”

Where the first mantra is the pinnacle of egoism, this one is the height of insecurity. In the land of pleasure, there is no “right,” nor are there “should’s” or “must’s.” It is a land of wonderful possibility and infinite opportunity. Listen for ragged breathing, look for flushed skin and feel for tensing muscles. If their bodily arousal isn’t apparent, keep playing with sexual variables.

MANTRA #3: “This is How All My Other Partners Liked it”

VARIATION: “Why aren’t you working right!?”

Stop. Right. Now. Put down your habits. Do it quickly. Every new fun-time partner means expanding your hands-on skill set. FANTABULOUS! Just remember, with each new terrain comes new curves in the road. The first few times, you might wanna slow down around the bend. 

And so, dear friend, if you hear any of the above rattling around, tell it to go “shush” itself and enjoy the panting. Go Team Fun!

Just now in the kitchen I was experiencing the feelings of “Oh my god, what if it’s horrible? What if we hit it off? What if it gets weird!?” I have this feeling in my gut that a date is a very important thing. It is a gateway to so much. You never know what’s going to happen. And that, perhaps, is my problem.

People date all the time. Some people do the dating thing for years. In the end, most dates never amount to a second or third date. And that, I suppose, is what dating is. Testing the water, tasting the buffet, and checkin’ out those fancy fish in that there sea. So I should calm the F down. 

Still, I am nervous. This is a bona fide, classic, official-style dinner-and-show type evening. As my friend put it, “Wow, that’s one high pressure date.” Yeah. It feels like it. Yet, what the heck? I mean, why can’t two people get together for an evening out and enjoy each other’s company? I like fun. I LOVE fun. I mean, what could go wrong? Huh? What? (No really, tell me.)

So then, still in said kitchen, I realize I am putting way more pressure on this evening than there needs to be. Truth be told, when the good gent asked, I made it clear that I was a yes to a date only if there would be no expectation for a second. We must know ourselves well enough to know what we can handle and I am not one for romantic entanglement right now. The reasons are multiplicitous, if you can allow me to make up such a word, and perhaps some day I’ll share them.

For now, the ridiculously dorky & magical story of how this date came to be is topic for it’s own podcast episode. It’s time to talk about dating again, friends. This time because I’m doing it and it’s weird as fuck. I mean F. You know what I’m saying. Until then, wish me luck. 

~S

***

UPDATE 3 hours later: Okay, now that I’ve given this more thought, I’ve better pinpointed the area of stress for me. The question is, “How good am I at judging someone from a first impression?” Since I usually go on dates with someone familiar, or on a completely blind date, this middle ground is highly uncomfortable. So tonight is the battle ground where my street smarts and gullibility fight to the death. K.O.!

Click HERE to go to PodCastAwards.com and click “Sex Nerd Sandra” under MATURE podcasts. You just enter name & email and you’re done!

If you really love Dave & Me, you’ll vote every day till Nov 15th (hint, hint, guilt, guilt). Plus, you can vote for other Nerdist faves “The Indoor Kids” and “Mike & Tom Eat Snacks.” Also, “The Young Turks” is on there and by golly, I did so enjoy being on their show, “The Point.” 

The Dan Savage podcast is such a popular pick. He does wonderful, meaningful work for world change and all, but pshaw, that makes our show the underdog. VOTE FOR THE UNDERDOG!!! Woof woof! 

I haven’t won an award since I was a little thing in AYSO soccer and everyone got an award. Remedy this, nerdlings!

As I mentioned on the podcast the last few weeks, I’ll be having TONS of fun with Love Campus Tour at UC Santa Barbara’s Corwin Pavilion! 11 am I talk ORAL SEX & at 1:30 I rock a class on SEX TOYS. Tell anyone you know in the Santa Barbara area I AM COMING FOR YOU! 

(Then, I’m BACK IN LOS ANGELES that evening for Sex Nerds Unite! My Crowd-Sourcing Sex Ed Show!)

To balance out my guilt from not posting on my blog very much, I’ll share with you a little tidbit from my own life that I HAVEN’T shared on the podcast as of yet. 

I recently had sex with a sex machine. Yeah, those thrusty kinds that go in-out-in-out… Yep. It was so cooool. I’d be lying if I didn’t say part of me was thinking “Huh, interesting. Very interesting” while another part of me was going “yeaaaaaaah.”

Okay, guilt assuaged. NOW ONTO THIS SITUATION OF AWESOME!

On THURSDAY OCTOBER 11TH @9pm this is happening at the Nerdist Showroom…

Sex Nerds Unite!

Wanna hear some juicy questions on love & pleasure? Great! Because I get them ALL THE TIME! Join me, sex-positive coach & educator Sex Nerd Sandra as I answer my favorite listener emails and ask YOU to help me nerd out on sex. Audience questions are welcome and encouraged! 

Podcast host & sex educator Sex Nerd Sandra REALLY wants to tell you about a neat sex tip she just learned. And so it goes with a sex nerd. With two MILLION downloads in the first year, her Nerdist Industries podcast “Sex Nerd Sandra” with co-host Dave Ross has beamed sex positive knowledge directly into ears everywhere. It’s been quite an adventure blending her broadcasting skills with a lifetime of sex nerdery. Continually expanding on a wide range of skill sets for the erotic & neurotic, Sandra can’t wait to dish dirt with you for the betterment of humanity! 

~~SCORE YOUR TICKET HERE!~~

Oh snap I can’t wait!

I also learned that birth defects can be found by ultra sound at 20 weeks gestation, while a fetus can live outside the body by 22-24 weeks. This last bit of info seems to be exceedingly important when considering laws banning abortion once a fetus is viable apart from the host body, while still leaving room for monitoring if a fetus will actually be able to survive at all after gestation. (This also has interesting relevance to placenta life, but that is for another blog.)

Now, admittedly, I’m a political ostrich. I generally find American politics so enraging that my brain goes dark in a Donna-Noble-of-Doctor-Who way to save me from death by brain aneurism. Today, though, the blood vessel almost popped. I had to do something.

I saw an article linked on facebook today sharing Arizona’s legislation earlier this year that defines pregnancy as beginning 2 weeks before conception. Wait, what? NO! I WANT TO LIVE!!! Many well meaning folks had already commented their rage and disbelief and I was game to get pissed, too.

I click on the article and yup, conception is now the first day of your last period before conception if you live southwest of four corners. “WTF,” my brain pulsates. “That’s medically inaccurate and downright asinine! Does this mean I’m pregnant every month!?” I pantomime despair. The law even has a pretend-friendly title, “Women’s Health & Safety Act.” Contextually, this title is utterly terrifying.

My heart rate accelerates, but I breathe. I slow the emotional onslaught of rage to save myself.  Enter critical thinking.

“Hmm, well what do doctors think? I know a female cannot always estimate the day of conception. Could this possibly play a role?” Enter google search terms:

How+does+a+doctor+calculate+conception.

Turns out, doctors have been using first date of period as a conception marker since the beginning of western doctoring because it is the ONLY outward indicator of baby/no baby. And to this day, it stands. SO MUCH SO that when a doctor says pregnancy is 40 weeks, the first 2 are meant to be before conception. This is ridiculous, but I get it. Marching onward…

I was angry and raged when I read about the new law because I thought those silly people in Arizona like Rep. Kimberly Yee must be dotards and there’s NOTHING I can do about stupid. But the truth is, this 2 week discrepancy thing could possibly make sense to get everyone on the same timetable. When a doctor says the pregnancy is 20 weeks in, and a lawyer says 20 weeks in, I would hope we all agree on the same start date. (though, as a woman who ovulates way later than the average female, I find this overgeneralization of when babies are made rather marginalizing). I’m not saying this one detail of such legislature is right or wrong, but I’m saying it shouldn’t have been framed in such a way to appear so dumb.

In a nutshell, the article acted as a reality distortion field with a headline like ‘Pregnancy Begins 2 Weeks Before Conception.” That title EASILY inspires strong negative emotions in good, mentally capable people. That’s a whole lot of people going “Arghh!” and clicking away.

The scary thing is that MOST of the time I click away when I feel this angry at extremists and their entrenched political involvement. I was successfully blinded. I didn’t even read the rest of the article about other parts of this legislature until after the whole thing blew over and my heart ceased pounding. The Women’s Health & Safety Act is ACTUALLY terrifying. It takes a minority group’s obsessive anti-termination stance and gives power to shaming and bullying women and children in schools and doctors offices. It keeps needed medical attention from those who need it and according to Michelle Steinberg of Planned Parenthood, ”women are being forced to carry children that they know will end up dying within hours of birth.” Lame. Super lame.

But I wouldn’t have known or understood any of this unless I had found out why anyone would claim a woman is pregnant before she is pregnant. Turns out there IS a basis in reality for that crazy headline. It was poor journalism, poorly written legislature and a whole lot of sex nerd rage that was to blame. So, as the sun sets now on my laptop, my new knowledge tucks me in for bed. I have lived to see another day here on the internet. Humbly, I bid you good night.