Hi! Welcome to the testimonials section of my website. This is a place for folks just like you to share their stories, experiences and thoughts for the benefit of all!

Just so you know, you can also spread the love by:

  1. TELLING A FRIEND:  If you are a listener of the Sex Nerd Sandra podcast, share your favorite episodes and become a beacon of sex-positivity for your group of friends!
  2. COMMENTING ON iTUNES: This helps other folks find the podcast.
  3. SAYING HI: I enjoy the public discourse on Twitter (@SexNerdSandra), Instagram, YouTube, and at the Sex Nerd Sandra Facebook page!

I now highly encourage you to peruse and add to the comments below. Scrolling through reminds me what marvelously thoughtful naughty monkeys we all are!

~Sex Nerd Sandra

205 Responses to “Testimonials”

  1. Nick Northardt September 1, 2011 at 10:10 pm #

    Hey Sandra awesome podcast and can’t help thinking of sex, being a horny teen that’s how it gose. I have question, you said you had quite a bit of sex in highschool, now I’m in my first year, what are some tip for teens other than ” don’t be silly protect your willy”. Thanks for keepin it reel.

    • Sandra Daugherty December 16, 2011 at 3:12 pm #

      Hmm, tips for teenagers just starting out. There’s so much to say! Here are my thoughts in a nutshell:

      When I realized that most of my work with adults is centered around helping them redirect their attitudes about sex in a positive and healthy direction.

      The 2 bad habits that can form early on are:
      1) not following their own feelings and
      2) worrying about what everyone else thinks and does.

      Being true to yourself is the #1 way to great sex. That includes:
      * emotionally & physically protecting yourself
      * speaking up when you need clarification or feel a twinge of anxiety, confusion, etc
      * taking your time. Your hormones may be rushing you, but no one else should be. Take your time. You’ve got a lifetime of sexuality ahead of you. Chill.

      Hope that helps!

  2. Brandon Glauner September 13, 2011 at 2:20 pm #

    Hi Sandra, I love your podcast! FUN! SEXY! FUN! However, I have to admit that I spent a lot of the first few episodes convinced that you were Chris’s sister. You sound so much like him when you get excited about something. Don’t get me wrong this is not a complaint, your show is good because you care so much about sex. It is just so funny, you get the same excited speech patterns that he does. Keep up the fantastic work. Love your show, big Hugs, OOO
    Brand G

    • Sandra Daugherty December 16, 2011 at 2:51 pm #

      Being mistaken for Chris Hardwick’s sister is definitely a compliment. Thank you for listening and swinging by to say hi!

  3. Brad September 13, 2011 at 7:24 pm #

    Love your show! I enjoy listening to the various different podcasts and yours has jumped to the front of the list whenever a new episode pops up. You have a fun, insightful, and comfortingly relaxed presence that I enjoy. In short you sound real and not over produced. It does not hurt that you voice is great too :-P Anyway, please keep it up because you have a great way of saying what people need to hear!

    • Sandra Daugherty December 16, 2011 at 2:50 pm #

      Thanks for letting me know! I’ve tried to keep it up.

  4. Dino September 21, 2011 at 7:09 pm #

    Hi, Sandra:

    I simply love your show. The nerdist industry is very lucky to have someone as intelligent and progressive as you. I am sure I am one of thousands of people who love your work, but I just wanted to drop a line to let you know I appreciate your work. Your laugh is truly infectious and one of the most charming parts of your podcast. Keep up the tremendous work.

    • Sandra Daugherty September 22, 2011 at 2:57 am #

      That is ridiculously sweet of you. Thank you for the kind words.

  5. Brandon Glauner September 29, 2011 at 9:52 pm #

    Glad to hear that others noticed the connection between your’s and Chris’s speech patterns! I also have to say I am loving Dave as a side kick! You two make a fun team. Keep up the kick ass cast! P.S. The story of when you were feeling the guys hart beating in his ass, left me standing slack-jawed at work for like five minutes!

    • Sandra Daugherty December 16, 2011 at 2:48 pm #

      I enjoy hearing that you went slack-jawed at work. Call it a devious pleasure. Thank you for the feedback and thanks for listening!

  6. FeministBarbie (burning bra sold seperately) October 6, 2011 at 9:34 pm #

    Dear Sex Nerd Sandra,

    I was recently d-umped by the single most amazing human I have ever known (it’s totally awesome! you should try it!).

    But I’m telling you- when the sad/hideous/fat/cross-eyed/drooling/smelly excuse that had taken over my body downloaded your podcast.. it was like a seance beaming me back to laugh out loud.

    And I did. Thanks, lady!

    • Sandra Daugherty October 10, 2011 at 12:55 pm #

      Wow. That means a lot. I first read this comment when I was a little down myself, and you cheered ME up. So thank you for letting me know!

      Stay with it! There are many amazing humans out there waiting to be discovered. I meet several every week!

  7. Lori October 11, 2011 at 11:24 am #

    What are your thoughts on the Layaspot vibe in comparison to the We-Vibe II? Which one is better with penetration?

    • Sandra Daugherty December 16, 2011 at 2:47 pm #

      Those 2 toys are exceptionally different. Penetration doesn’t tell me what positions a couple likes, what speed or movements they enjoy, how sensitive the female is, or similar. On some folks, the we-vibe comes out, while with others, it does not. I still can’t figure out what the difference in behavior and anatomy that would be responsible for this.

      So, I guess I’m saying it’s a question without an answer. Too many variables. Plus, you can always try a vibrating cockring first since it’s usually only $15-$20 for a reusable one and figure out what you like or don’t like and go from there.

  8. Shelly October 12, 2011 at 4:51 pm #

    On one of your podcast’s you mentioned the movie “Teeth” and how Vagina Dentata oh no don’t wanna think about teeth there kinda thing. But as a owner of this movie I have to say its about understanding one’s sexuallity and female empowerment and not to mention incest (but not really its by marriage). I think you should really watch this movie, its not as scary as you would think. Plus you never actually see the teeth :) well except in that one scene but you will have to see for yourself. I wanted to let you also know just how far your podcast has gone, I was living in a small town called Manchester,KY (its a tiny lil town) at the time I discovered your podcast.

    • Sandra Daugherty December 16, 2011 at 2:44 pm #

      Little bit of info about me: I am an absolute wuss when it comes to scary movies. Even if it’s as ridiculous as a vagina with teeth. Someday perhaps. I do enjoy your angle of the film, as I’ve heard several :) Thanks!

  9. Happily Engaged in NJ October 17, 2011 at 10:33 am #

    Hey Sandra,

    First off, I love your podcast and I think you have an awesome delivery that mixes informative with entertaining. Keep the good stuff coming, it’s great.

    So, my fiance and I are happily engaged, and sex has always been pretty amazing. The only thing is, she gets self conscious sometimes. And I want to encourage and help her to become more comfortable and more expressive in bed.

    She’ll often get nervous that she’s “not doing it right” if she’s on top, no matter how much I tell her how hot it really is.

    Years ago, she had been in an emotionally abusive relationship and I can only assume that a good portion of this can be attributed to that. I never ask, and she never tells, but I’m going on intuition here.

    Since we are going to be married, openness and comfort is more important than ever. How can I be the best fiance and husband to her in bed to help her get over shyness? From your woman’s point of view, how can I encourage my future wife to be more vocal, and more expressive and less self conscious? And for that matter, are there ways for me to be more open with her?

    I (we) would greatly appreciate any words of wisdom you have for this sexxy couple who is about to spend their lives together.

    –Happily Engaged in NJ

    • Sandra Daugherty December 16, 2011 at 1:01 pm #

      Judging from your letter, it sounds like her hesitance is rather normal, her past aside. I used to have extreme anxiety around being on top because even I was worried I “wasn’t doing it right.”

      It sounds like you’re already being quite a wonderful fiance. No one can fix a person. The best thing you can do is enjoy yourself. Show her how much you’re enjoying yourself. Telling a partner how hot they are, versus SHOWING them the hotness you’re feeling are 2 very different methods of sending a message.

      She might be able to deny our statements, but she can’t deny you your feelings.

  10. Alphonso Calloway Jr. October 19, 2011 at 4:25 pm #


  11. Kathryn Gooch October 31, 2011 at 3:17 pm #

    Hi, Sandra. I’m one of those conservative Christian folks who usually wouldn’t listen to you, but I have to tell you that I LOVE your tips on how to please my man! I have to filter through some stuff to get to what applies to us, but I like that you are an educator. I am learning.

    Your podcast gave me the courage to go into our local sex shop to find some things to spice up our 10-year anniversary, but boy, was I disappointed. It felt cheesy and slimy. The cashier (1 worker) was trying to help me and 3 other folks with very different needs. I asked for the Layla spot and Pjur lube, but she didn’t know what either was, and she couldn’t point out which was a silicone lube. She directed me to the fetish section, which wasn’t really what I was looking for.

    Thanks to your instructions on what ingredients to look for, I finally found a non-pourous toy and silicone-based lube. Then the creepy man co-worker came in, looked at what I was going to purchase and said, “Ah, a beginner.” Zoing!!!

    Anyway, from now on I’m shopping on-line using your guidelines. I have to say, my purchases were worth the price. ;) (And my husband wants me to buy the remote-controlled vibrator.) I won’t go back to the shop I was in, though, and where I live, there are limited (i.e., no) options.

    Thank you for your sex-positive and non-judgmental podcasts. I know the “non-judgmental” part usually applies to kinkier stuff (or, at least, I think so), but in this day and age, my conservative views are usually judged. I wish there were more podcasts like yours; many of the others are appallingly against my beliefs, but I appreciate your educational take on things. The podcasts are fun, too, especially with Dave — although you are very entertaining on your own. I look forward to many more.


    P.S. – Let me know if you ever want a remote telephone-co-podcaster from the Deep South to give my 2 cents’ worth. I am married with 3 kids, an attorney, the sole income provider while my husband takes care of the kids, and happily married (this time) for 10 years. I am learning again how to love sex after having 3 kids and while working full-time. My husband is hot and knows how to please me. I just need to be more available to him.

    • Sandra Daugherty December 16, 2011 at 12:56 pm #

      What a crazy experience in your local sex store. Silicone lube & a non-porous toy = a beginner? Sounds like he didn’t even try to help you after making his odd observation.

      I encourage no judgement to anyone’s sex life, conservative or kinky or anywhere in between. Sounds like you identify sexually conservative, but feel like it’s looked down upon, whereas sexually adventurous folks feel marginalized by society.

      Basically, it seems everyone feels out of the norm sexually, and my view is we’re all different versions of healthy & normal. Thanks for writing!

  12. Your arctic fan November 10, 2011 at 10:37 am #

    Wanted to thank you for an awesome revelation. I’m a clinical psych grad student and usually work late into the night. I listen to your podcast when I go the gym generally. Well starting last week my boyfriend started telling me that I’m working too hard because I have been waking up in the middle of the night sleep-talking about my substances of abuse class. So, I started listening to your podcast some nights before sleeping instead. Apparently the other night I grabbed my boyfriend’s hand and demanded that he hold my boobs while I pleased myself. Once I was done, I rolled over and wouldn’t let him cuddle. When I woke up, I remembered NONE of this. Now, being told about it was a bit of a shocker because I’m a hardcore sub. Now, I’m considering that maybe I have a dom side of me as well. So, my boyfriend thanks you. I thank you. Your podcast rocks. I’m up in Fairbanks, Alaska and your podcast helps warm up those cold nights (and days). One day I hope to see your show in person. Until then, keep rocking.

    • Sandra Daugherty December 16, 2011 at 12:51 pm #

      This is the best story ever. Thank you for sharing, and thank you for letting my show sink into your subconscious :)

  13. Doug From Columbus November 13, 2011 at 5:02 pm #

    Just wanted to say thanks. I just think that it is a huge thing that you would take your own time and attempt to help people with a subject that most people feel awkward to talk about. And the way you make people feel at ease while talking with such a funny, self deprecating and non judgemental matter of fact approach. You have taken the thought of sex education for me from thinking it was that guy who is a skeebie guy just trying to get laid to something that should be my duty in my relationship and have fun doing it. (And you better believe that I am taking notes on everything.) I even bought She Comes First at your suggestion to get started. I just think that it is amazingly selfless of you to do the podcast.

    You mentioned that you did some youtube video in the podcast. Is there some name on there we can look to find them.

    Thanks again and an dedicated listener

    • Sandra Daugherty December 16, 2011 at 12:48 pm #

      Thanks Doug! Just search Sex Nerd Sandra on youtube and my goods should pop up.

  14. kate gittings November 18, 2011 at 11:45 am #

    Hey Sandra,

    I just wanted to comment on your work. I think your pod cast is great, very informative, and completely humorous. I find myself listening to those more than my music library! As someone that is very intruiged( spelling?) by sex, I am very thankful that I found your pod cast. it has taught me a lot about the act and in a way that I’m not embarrassed to be listening to it. You are an inspiration, and I hope that enough people will start listening to this to help guide the rest of this country into a sex positive country. Thanks for all that you do. GO TEAM FUN!

    • Sandra Daugherty December 16, 2011 at 12:47 pm #

      Kate, you are so very welcome. Your comment is heartwarming.

  15. Apu November 21, 2011 at 6:49 pm #

    Just listened to the role play podcast, all I can say is what a disgusting group of perverts! Murder? Rape? WTF????? that is one sick couple, and you two hosts, who I could tell were uncomfortable but didn’t have enough BALLS to tell them they are fucking freaks! Yea, yea, I know you libs are not supposed to judge anyone and these garbage people are the result of not shaming the kind of shit they do. Where is your cutoff? they also talked about a cheerleader/principal scenario, a normal enough scenario. Would that work in middle school, or an elementary scene? Will you cut off there? but murder and rape is ok? Dont think I am some uptight stiff collar, I listend end enjoued may of your podcast but the disgusting trash on this podcast is too far out! I cant take you seriously anymore.

    • Sandra Daugherty November 29, 2011 at 6:35 pm #

      If the people involved are safe, sane & consensual, then we don’t have a problem. Tim & Emily’s play fits these 3 criteria. I knew this would be a challenging episode for some listeners. It was challenging for me, and I enjoyed finding understanding through the conversation.

  16. Christianna December 2, 2011 at 7:03 am #

    COME TO MICA (Maryland Institute College of Art) and give a talk please! Art school loves you <3 You have totally changed the way I think about sex. For years I've grappled with the sense of taboo instilled by a strict Catholic upbringing, but since I've started listening to your podcast I've become a sex positive person. You have removed sex from a clandestine atmosphere and made it as natural as breathing. Thank you so much. You are one of my favorite people. I hope to meet you one day.

    • Sandra Daugherty December 4, 2011 at 1:53 pm #

      Thanks for writing! Someday perhaps there will be a tour. Until then, I’m glad the show has made it to MICA!

  17. Tzvi December 4, 2011 at 1:41 pm #

    Interesting perhaps too sex nerd… Scientist have mapped female orgasm in the human brain http://healthland.time.com/2011/12/01/first-3d-movie-of-orgasm-in-the-female-brain/

    being male bodied, I am curious about male bodied orgasm. Also is there a difference between the mapping of cliteral and vaginal orgasm? Prostate verses penile?

    Curious stuff. Also the difference between the mapping of female orgasm/ejaculation and male orgasm/ejaculation.

    The mind wonders.

    • Sandra Daugherty December 4, 2011 at 2:24 pm #

      Wow. This is great! Thanks for sending this my way! There are so many variations on the orgasm experience. It amazes me that brain scientists haven’t studied this much until now.

      RE: Prostate vs penile & clitoral vs vaginal, etc, etc, the different nerve pathways, I would think, would lead to a different brain scan. But we won’t know till we try!

  18. Niav Mailena December 7, 2011 at 8:25 pm #


    I absolutely love your podcast. Your energy is so warm and accepting and sweet and delightfully nerdy… Tehe.
    I listen to it on the bus to work and walking down the street… I get to feel all sly and secretive learning the deets on fisting and foreplay while the world around me is oblivious.
    My favorite episode so far was definitely the role play one- so fun. I think i’ve gotta go sign up for an improv class… Haha
    Anywaysies, I think you should do an episode with a whole panel of your sex-pos comrads and discuss your first sexual appearances… Like the fear, lust and intensity of those first years, when you’re figuring it all out…
    Alright, mucho gracias Sandra, I really freaking appreciate what you do :)

    • Sandra Daugherty December 16, 2011 at 3:18 pm #

      Thanks for listening and your comment! I’ve got a slew of topics planned for the New Year. Your suggestion ties in to what’s planned. 2012 is gonna have so many fun episodes! Can’t wait to share!

  19. Donna December 18, 2011 at 8:47 am #

    My husband and I have been married for 16 yrs. The last 5 yrs or so thing in the bedroom dnt happen as often and when we do. it’s normally the same thing. I have tried to change things up but it jst seems to go back to the same thing next time. I want us to have a more exciting sex life but how do i go about changing it. we are in a rut and I dnt want it to affect our marriage anymore now than what it has

  20. V.B. December 26, 2011 at 5:00 pm #

    Hi, Sandra!

    Firstly, thanks for an excellent podcast! I’m a female-bodied virgin, so it’s mostly academic to me, but luck favors the prepared, right? I’m very glad Dave accepted your proposal to share host duties- you two have great chemistry and you can consider me another fan of that voice of his.

    I have a small question, or maybe just something you might be able to help me understand. It’s this thing my body’s done since puberty, maybe earlier (I’m 24). If I’m sitting in a chair- in, say, a theater or a classroom setting- and someone near me taps on some part of the chair with their foot, I feel a tingling sensation go up my back. If it’s really strong, it goes all the way up and over my whole scalp. It’s definitely an erotic sensation, but I have no idea why it happens. Any thoughts? Maybe you could do an episode on uncommon erogenous zones. Virgin though I am, I’m pretty sure I would melt into a puddle of goo if someone paid attention to my scalp.

    Thanks again for an entertaining, informative podcast. Looking forward to the next episode!


  21. KD January 10, 2012 at 6:12 pm #

    Just listened to your show on ancient sexual customs while trying to plan my course calendars for my students. I think that part of the problem that we have now is that we think our society would fall apart if we become much more honest about our sexuality, especially in the so-called enlightened West. I know that I am no better than others who feel this way because I find it very difficult to balance responsibilities and desires in my own life. I am also listening to your show on female seduction techniques and I think I will have to pay more attention to the signs out there.
    Keep them coming!

    • Sandra Daugherty January 11, 2012 at 1:04 am #

      Love this! Thanks for listening and being intelligently thoughtful!

  22. Adrienne January 11, 2012 at 11:29 am #

    Your show gets more and more amazing every week, my boyfriend and I are addicted and love all the tips. I immediately went and bought Sex at Dawn after the episode came out.

    We’ve recently been getting interested in Tantic sex based on a couple of episode from Freddy and Eddy’s podcast on the subject, do you think you’ll try to cover the topic?


    • Sandra Daugherty January 13, 2012 at 2:03 pm #

      Thanks for writing! Tantric sex will most definitely be a topic in the coming year. The world of sex is vast and fascinating. Stay tuned!

  23. Hazel January 12, 2012 at 5:29 pm #

    Hi Sandra!

    Love the podcast! I always learn something new and interesting and it makes for interesting conversations after I’m done listening! It would be very cool if you had some sort of forum on your website where all of us “sex nerd wannabes” could intelligently converse (and hopefully get a chance to hear your thoughts as well, even though I’m sure you are super busy!). Keep it up and I can’t wait until the next one! Wednesdays now become a day I look forward to!



    • Sandra Daugherty January 13, 2012 at 2:02 pm #

      Funny enough, this section of my site is becoming that very place. Thanks for writing. If I formalize a discussion area, I’ll definitely announce it on the show. Thanks for writing!

  24. A Canadian Fan January 12, 2012 at 10:43 pm #

    Hi Sandra,
    I’ve heard the conventional wisdom for erections to last longer by squeezing the PC muscle and stop ejaculation in its tracks.
    Trying it for myself, I found it works pretty well, but it involves such a tight squeeze at the point of orgasm it interrupts all other sensations, and stops the orgasm completely.
    I’ve discovered, from extensive ‘studying’, that I nearly always point my toes when I ejaculate. I think it’s just the tensing of muscles in my legs that’s part of orgasm. Consequently, a great way to control myself and last longer before ejaculating is to relax my ankles, and just make my feet perpendicular to my calves; this makes the orgasm subside a lot more gently than clamping the PC muscle super hard, and I usually don’t lose the erection in the process.
    I wondered how common this is. Do you know if other guys experience this? Maybe guys can add this to their repertoire, and instead of, or in addition to, PC exercises, we can all just relax the Achilles tendon.
    I also want to know why this works. What is it about physiology that allows this to happen? Is it how all them muscles are connected through the leg to the groin? what’s going on?
    Keep up the great work! I can’t wait to hear the next episode!

  25. Sandra Daugherty January 13, 2012 at 2:03 pm #

    Iran!? Awesome! Thank you for writing and sharing. I very much enjoyed that episode. Thanks for tuning in!

  26. Joanna January 15, 2012 at 5:47 am #

    Hi Sandra,

    your Podcast is amazing…i really enjoy listening! unfortunatly my boyfriend is not that fluent in english! I am half german half british- and living in germany atm!
    I accidentally came past ur Podcast- and i was amazed!

    I truely thought that i was nearly as open to sex as u and ur guests- but since i have
    discovered that my boyfriend watches porn(this was 1 and a half years ago)- i have seemed to have tightened up a lot!
    I feel threatened by that- i am not against Porn, i do enjoy porn sometimes-but i do have i very strong imagination- and i still prefer using it!

    for some odd reason, i cant shake this bad feeling off! and the more i listen to ur podcasts it seems like- my feelings towards him watching porn are unnatural! are they?

    I know u are not a therapist- but i would love to know how u think about this situation??
    ’cause i cant be the only one feeling that way!

    Maybe a Podcast about this topic would be intresting- or taking it a bit further- a podcast about sex addiction- would be interesting!

    many thanks! keep the podcasts coming ;)

    greetz from germany,


  27. fritz365 January 17, 2012 at 9:01 am #

    I randomly share this “poem” I wrote last year. As you’ve had several things about sex toy safety, know that this actually did happen to me, at a St. Vincent’s thrift store. :)


    #224 Used Toy For Sale

    Rummaging around for a deal
    At the second hand store
    Hoping for something good
    As most things there were such a bore

    As I was thinking on giving up
    I spied something strange
    It looked like….no it couldn’t be
    An old Hitachi Magic Wand

    I know the box says
    “To relieve muscle tension”
    But we all know what it is really for
    And it plugs into the wall

    No battery changes required

    This one was old though
    Yellowed and dusty
    I was afraid to touch it
    As I knew what it’s life
    Most likely had been like

    So I bent near
    Just to satisfy my curiosity
    And almost wished I hadn’t
    Upon it’s vinyl head
    There was a light crust
    Sort of like dried boogers

    I suspected what it was
    And certainly was NOT
    Turned on in the least
    I piled the things back on top of it
    To hide it from innocent eyes
    And wandered back outside

    Wondering the type of person
    Who donates their old unclean sex toy
    And almost as an afterthought
    The type of person who would buy it


    Thank you for doing your podcast, and sharing what you know and your passions with a wider audience. I know I enjoy listening, and improving my relationship with my wife as a result.


    • Sandra Daugherty January 20, 2012 at 11:40 am #

      What a fun poem to come out of an awkward experience. Thanks for sharing and listening!

  28. Cheryl January 23, 2012 at 1:06 pm #

    Hey Sandra! I love your pod-cast and listen to it on the bus on the way to Uni :)
    I just watched your porosity video on YouTube again as I’m always looking at lovely new toys to play with but I don’t know if here in England there are different terms or maybe different materials… can you help? One that I see quite a lot is ABS Plastic or smooth coated plastic, do you know if this is porous??
    Also I’m intrigued by the Tenga eggs as something fun for my partner but my usual toy website lists them as containing latex. How does this usually work allergy wise? I know most non latex condoms still contain latex but have the allergic part removed so wasn’t sure if the eggs might be the same and thought you might know if they’d be safe for someone allergic to latex or not…?

    Keep the info and sex positive-ness coming,
    lots of love from over the water xxx

    oh and Ps, Go Team Fun!

    • Sandra Daugherty January 23, 2012 at 5:06 pm #

      Thanks for writing and listening! Yes, ABS plastic is porous. Unless it’s medical grade, it’s porous.

      Tenga eggs do not contain latex. They’re made of Thermoplastic Elastomer (TPE) I just tweeted at them for confirmation. Tenga sleeves are tons of fun. Just remember the eggs are disposable. You can turn the eggs inside out to cover the hand for a textured genital rub.


  29. The Kinesthetic January 25, 2012 at 1:11 pm #

    Hello Sandra! FIrst I must say that I have listened to every-one of your podcasts! They have really helped with my sexual Identity. I have even found a new passion, and want to explore Human Sexuality as a career. When I read magazines or books or even listen to your podcasts…I will always hear that the first kiss can make or break a relationship…or just lead to more intimate activities. However when I find an article on kissing it is always what not to do! I have also been told personally that I’m a 5 out of ten just kissing but also the way I touch them brings me up to a seven. Now I have always believed that people will both find that the other is not a great kisser if there is not really a connection. However back to my explorations I have always been in search of a possible guide book to please the other even if there isn’t a connection. I live in a small town so awkwardly your skills do get talked about…and it may make or break it with who you actually do want. So I am sick of being told what not to do I was wondering if you knew any tips or actual techniques, it would be greatly appreciated. I must add that I have the belief that the women is supposed to lead in a kiss, but just like dancing I somehow feel it is my fault if I can’t properly lead or follow for that matter.

    P.S. I started listening to your podcast in Las Vegas, and now live in a small town way up north in Canada.

  30. Josh January 30, 2012 at 1:46 pm #

    Love the show. My favorite show, literally. Your excitement about the subject matter is contagious! And it’s helped me be a better lover, even though I am a gay man listening to you, a straight woman’s take on sex. Thank you!
    So, the ‘new year’ podcast… prostate stimulation definitely helps with bigger ejaculations. My first time, I shot it completely over my head. But what helped me get over my shame about my ass being “dirty”, and learn to enjoy the feeling as part of a sexual relationship, was to first treat it as an experiment. “Hmmm, how far CAN I shoot it? Let’s play scientist!” (This is sounding nerdier in words then in my head, but I guess that’s why I love the show!) Once me and my partner saw what happened, it was so sexually arousing and enhanced both our experiences so much, I quickly became comfortable with anal play. Hope this helps!
    P.S. I must be late to the party, b/c there’s not a single post up here about asses… I am a week late in writing this, but thought I’d share anyway. Thanks and keep up the good work!

    • Sandra Daugherty February 19, 2012 at 11:40 am #

      I love that you “play scientist.” What a great attitude!

  31. Orgasmicly Challenged February 9, 2012 at 2:34 pm #


    My boyfriend and I absoultely love love love your show! You have helped us soooo much, but i have two questions and I need seriouse advice.
    I have never masterbated before and my boyfriend ships out for like 3 months at a time…how do I start? And two when I get wet during sex sometimes I get so wet that I 1) drip for ever (up to a day) and 2) how do I help him help me get a cliteral orgasm, he has only been able to do it like once or twice but I want it all the time! Please help!

  32. Sarah February 10, 2012 at 9:22 am #

    Is there a product on the market that’s like KY Liquibeads but doesn’t, you know, suck?

    I like the concept of a little bead that can be inserted ahead of time, but the KY product is awful. I realize they’re not really meant to be a lube, but are rather considered a vaginal “moisturizer,” but even in that context I’m not happy with them. The liquid gushes out all at once (nobody loves soaking wet panties at inopportune moments) and it has a very unpleasant texture.

    Is there such a thing as a single-serve lubricating capsule, with a nice thick lube inside?

    • Sandra Daugherty February 19, 2012 at 11:43 am #

      I don’t know of anything out there. it sounds like you want something to pre-lubricate before sex. In which case, silicone is great since it doesn’t soak into the body like water-based lube, isn’t sticky and you don’t need as much.

      You can also try lube shooters. That way you can choose any lube you want and put it up where you’d like it.

      I’d also try putting the liquibeads farther up so it doesn’t gush out your opening so much. Hope that helps!

  33. Kari February 11, 2012 at 8:46 am #

    Hello hello! I just wanted to let you know that your podcast, just listening to people be sex positive really, but you being so wonderfully nerdy about it, has really helped me get back to the sex positive person I once was. I’m going through a divorce right now, I got married when I was 20 to the guy who knocked me up, such a quaint term, and he sort of buried me in mental and emotional abuse. I finally left him in October and I’ve been digging my way out since, and your podcast was like the final shovelful of dirt. After almost 7 years, there was a lot of digging, but I got it done pretty quick I guess! Hearing someone be so positive about sex, and nerdy about it (!), made me remember that I was like this too, once! Before sex became something I had to do to keep someone from whining, I was fierce, I was submissive, I was highly sexual. I’m coming back to that now, with the help of your podcast. My deliciously dominant boyfriend is helping out too!

    So thank you. And thank you for all the lovely information, and for being so completely great. And freaking adorable. <3!

    • Sandra Daugherty February 19, 2012 at 11:44 am #

      You really made me smile. Thank you for sharing, listening and growing with us!

  34. H February 14, 2012 at 8:44 pm #

    Hey Sandra! I wasn’t sure if there was a spot where we could leave our thoughts about individual podcasts, but I couldn’t find a better place to post so I thought I’d just post here. First of all, I LOVE the show (and just wrote a glowing review on iTunes – or at least, I tried to make it glow for you!), but you know that already; I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t! I really just wanted to share a thought/suggestion I had in response to something you said in the most recent podcast I listened to, Orgasmic New Year. Without having written down your actual quote, you mentioned something about how people should try moving around more during masturbation to increase the intensity of their orgasms. Something I’ll share from personal experience: essentially the only way I masturbate is with vibrators, particularly (in the past couple years) the Hitachi Magic Wand, which is honestly so powerful that I had kind of just gotten used to laying there, taking it, and not “giving” a whole lot since I could still easily have a pretty satisfying orgasm that way. I’m also not particularly flexible since I’m overweight, which is why I stick to vibrators in the first place – even though I’m not really physically capable of actually having my fingers far inside of me to explore myself in that way (at least not easily), it’s easy for me to grip and control a vibrator externally. Somehow, one day I ended up trying masturbation on a Swiss ball (those giant stretchy colorful balls people use for exercise and even chairs nowadays), and I’ll never go back – that’s always my special treat to myself when I REALLY want a powerful orgasm. I’ll position the Swiss ball about a foot or two from the edge of my bed (or couch, or whatever), then lay on it so that my lower back to about my shoulders is being supported by the ball while my feet are swung up on top of the edge of the bed or whatever surface I’m using, and my thighs/butt are mostly suspended in air (you can obviously use whatever position you like, but I personally like the feeling of being somewhat suspended above the floor). Once in that position, I can either use my feet to rock myself back and forth, bounce up and down, or push myself in little circles as I vibrate. The BEST is when I’m listening to music in my earbuds (some of my best orgasms have been to the full chorus movements in Bach’s B Minor Mass!) and can move myself to that beat. If your feet get tired, you can either use the momentum of your own hips to keep yourself going, or you can actually pump/rock the ball with one of your own hands just by pressing on it from the side. Anyway, it’s a really simple but incredibly effective way to spice up your orgasms, especially if you feel limited by inflexibility. Also, for me, it’s a good way for me to prolong the act of masturbation and allow myself to build more rather than just going all-out… with the Hitachi, if I don’t pace myself I’ll come in 30-60 seconds, but it’s definitely more gratifying when I’ve spent time building up to an orgasm though full mental and physical arousal. It’s so fun that I’ll usually stay on board until I’ve had 3 or 4 orgasms. Because of the surface of the ball, clean-up of any ejaculate is super easy too – I just keep a cylinder of Clorox-type wipes on hand. Anyway, that’s the gigantic drawn-out tip that I probably could have given in just one sentence, but felt the need to qualify with a ton of details. Hope you (or other readers) enjoy! -H

    • H February 14, 2012 at 8:49 pm #

      Drr, I should have proofread before I posted. Didn’t mention that I’m a female and these are clitoral orgasms.

  35. anonymous February 16, 2012 at 9:36 am #

    First, you have the perfect podcast. Great mix of knowledge and humor. The episode with Moshe and Dave firing jokes back and forth had me in tears. I was wondering if you could post or broadcast some statistics on oral sex and s.t.i.s, such as which are more common and how to protect yourself. I am fascinated with glory holes, but it seems like risky behavior. I know there’s info out there on the web, but you have quite the captive audience. Keep up the good work!

  36. Elizabeth February 18, 2012 at 8:53 pm #

    Hey Sandra!
    First and foremost, I love your show. You guys always manage to make my brain bloom with awesome thought-gasms. I want to thank you for reminding me on a weekly basis to be playful with sex, and inspiring me and my partner of three years to introduce toys and roll playing to the repertoire (the sonic screwdrivers I got for Christmas have really come in handy).
    So, something your domme podcast(s) reminded me of was a webcomic I came across a while ago by Nic Buxom (NSFW): http://nicbuxom.blogspot.com/2009/05/it-begins.html It’s somewhat autobiographical, and a really humorous look at a girl who decides to work at a dungeon. I thought you might enjoy. :3
    Also, I was wondering if you and Chris Hardwick will finally team up and have a super podcast episode of epic proportions! While I love all your guests and Dave Ross (of course), I feel like a Sex Nerd/Nerdist mash-up would almost be as great as the Tardis landing on the Enterprise. [Which, by the way, makes me wonder who would win a game of chess: Spock or the Doctor?]

    With love and sexy nerdom,
    Elizabeth in Eugene

    • Sandra Daugherty February 19, 2012 at 11:48 am #

      I have a feeling we’ll have Chris Hardwick on at some point. Thanks for listening!

  37. Dave February 19, 2012 at 3:18 am #

    I am a 42 year old male and stumbled onto your podcast in the health section of iTunes, and gave been a big fan since. I have been married for 15 years and things have become very routine in the bedroom. Your show has answered a lot of questions that I never thought I needed answers to and has put to ease many insecurities. Your podcast is a good combination of humor, education and entertainment. Great job!

  38. Jimmy from MD February 29, 2012 at 9:31 pm #

    Hey Dave and Sandra (alphabetical order for the record),

    I saw Sandra’s little “safe sex kit” video and she mentioned dental dams. I’m a “cis-male” and a huge fan of giving oral pleasure to females, but whenever I’ve come across a sex-ed person peddling dental dams, I always envision saran wrap that you lay over their vulva, etc. Nothing could be less sexy to me and I guess it’s probably similar to how women (and men) feel about giving a blowjob with a condom. While I’m sure this isn’t completely a wrong impression, maybe there is something subtle I don’t know?

    So if you have a chance sometime, please bring up the topic on the show so that Dave can, in the awesome way that he does, ask the right questions and reveal the true nature of the dental dam. Also, I expect some sort of “Dental? Damn!” joke in there too.

    Rock on sex nerds!
    Jimmy from Maryland

  39. Stephanie March 2, 2012 at 1:52 am #

    I have been listening to your podcast for a few months and it is by far my favorite podcast ever! You are so wonderful and truly insightful. There is something so contagious about your voice! Just listening to your voice provides this sense of tranquility, acceptance, and a hint of sexy. You and Dave are a great combo and I love listening to your comments and thoughts. I hope this podcast continues for a long time because I love love love it!

  40. greg moyer March 2, 2012 at 5:53 am #

    I recently found out about your podcast and love it, especially the explicitness and detail of the experiences from everyone on the cast. I’ve recommended this site to my Human Sexuality professor.

  41. Lenore March 5, 2012 at 7:12 pm #

    I’m a 21 year old female, sex positive, virgin and I just wanted to tell you that I absolutely LOVE your podcast! I’m just bummed that now that I’m caught up I have to wait a whole week between episodes. I recommend your pod cast to my friends and people I meet ALL THE TIME! Keep up the good work and ya know if you ever get bored more podcasts would be a super special sexy treat! Thanks for all the knowledge you share!

  42. Andrew March 5, 2012 at 8:26 pm #

    Hi Sex Nerd Sandra,

    First let me say, I love your show. I have crushes on both you and Dave. And most importantly, I’m a true fan! I started listening in August. I remember the big penis on craiglist episode.

    Now that I’ve established my fan cred, I have a comment/question on what you and Jillian were saying about female orgasm in the “Harem Hotties” episode. You mentioned that manual (without vibration) orgasm for you is very difficult.

    One of the girls I’ve dated told me that she voluntarily stopped using a vibrator when she was sexually active with a guy on a regular basis because the vibrator itself made it more difficult for her to come with a partner. This phenomena has, in a way, popped up in my life as well.

    As a straight male, I’ve recently discovered anal stimulation during masturbation. For a few months I was like “Woooo this is awesome!”. But then the next time I was with a girl, zero anal stimulation + condom + alcohol made it harder to maintain an erection, much less have an orgasm.

    It could be that I’m secretly gay and my body just hasn’t started sending me dude attractions yet. Or it could be that the regular use of uber stimulation on your own makes it more difficult to come with a partner.

    I’d love to hear your thoughts on NOT masturbating or masturbating rarely as a sexually positive choice and what, if any, positive or negative effect that might have.

    You’re awesome!

    Andy from Chicago

  43. Anna Blume March 18, 2012 at 4:10 am #

    Hi Sandra,

    your podcast is amazing! You and Dave are so funny and after listening I mostly just wanna scream out sex positivity for everyone! :) Although the titles sometimes confuse because you usually cover a lot more than what it says I actually like all the tangents you go on because even if the main subject wasn’t my kind of thing, there is always something you or someone else mentions which makes me go: “learned something new to try… check!” :)
    One of your favorite lubes seems to be the “Pjur” lube but you only mention the silicon based one… but I now found out they have waterbased ones as well! Any thoughts / experiences about that one?

    Anna Blume

  44. Elizabeth March 20, 2012 at 6:22 pm #

    Hi Sandra,

    Love the podcast! Love that you have a sidekick in Dave to the Ross!
    I have a suggestions for a podcast. Not sure if this is too kinky but I have recently discovered ANR/ABR relationships (Adult nursing relationships/Adult Breastfeeding relationships). While my partner is not interested right now I would love to hear about this topic if you could find some guests or if you have information. It sounds very kinky to me as a Female bodied individual.

    E from Houston

  45. Billy March 20, 2012 at 8:25 pm #

    I was wondering if you are going to be at kinkfest this weekend?

    • Sandra Daugherty March 24, 2012 at 11:44 am #

      I’ve ever been to Kinkfest. Actually, I’ve never been to Portland! Someday!

  46. Your arctic fan March 22, 2012 at 1:02 pm #

    I’ve got to geek out for a moment here. I just listened to the lastest podcast with Allison Moon talking about cunnilingus. As a psychology grad student, I’m so beyond excited about some of the things she suggested about checking in with the partner. Not sure what her background is in terms of education, but I totally heard motivational interviewing in her tips!! It’s so nice to be hearing that being shared – such a great, non-confrontational way to communicate with people. Along the same lines as she was mentioning, if you want to know what you’re doing right and like Allison’s communication style, “So this [what I’m doing] is a 4? What is it about what I’m doing makes it a 4 and not a 2?” Thanks again for putting so much goodness out there in the world.

  47. Love the show. Fun, fun, fun, entertaining and informative.


    Are you going to let us know when you start sleeping with the lovely and talented Allison Moon?

    (Just curious, ’cause it’s going to happen.)


  48. meisterjazz March 27, 2012 at 12:32 pm #

    I’m a new listener and I’ve gone through the entire archives in a week. I literally started last Tuesday and just got to Snatch Attack and I have no regrets. It’s been pretty great and I have shared it with my friends, male and female, in different and new discussions. I also have picked up a few tips I can work into my life for dealing with liking guys and what not.

    So, I was listening to the Snatch Attack episode from last week (I guess) and hearing about Alison talking about describing her fluid sexuality reminded me of the comic artist Erika Moen and her sex positive comics. I don’t know what you know about the webcomic scene but there are a few really awesome women who talk about sex positive comics.

    Erika’s comic that I first thought of was Dar – http://darcomic.com/ but she has other comics at her main site that address sexuality – http://erikamoen.com/comics/

    A second is Jess Fink http://jessfink.com/ and her comic Chexter 5000 XYV http://jessfink.com/Chester5000XYV/

    Their comics are well done, entertaining and informative. I laughed at the Maplethorpe joke, I’m a heterosexual girl born in the eighties :D

  49. meisterjazz March 27, 2012 at 12:37 pm #

    I’m new to listening to the podcast, I literally started last Tuesday and it has made me life better and it has given me other things to consider.

    Listening to Snatch Attack reminded me of Erika Moen and her fluid sexuality and how she disucssed it in her comic, Dar – http://darcomic.com/ but she has a few other things on her main site http://erikamoen.com/comics/

    There’s also Jess Fink who does http://jessfink.com/Chester5000XYV/

    I don’t know if you follow webcomics that often but these are some on my radar that people might enjoy. I had a better post before but wordpress made me log in and my comment disappeared.

  50. sorin7486 April 2, 2012 at 7:52 am #

    I love your podcast, please keep it up.

    I just wanted to suggest a documentary I’ve seen a while back. It’s about one of the few places in the world (if not only) where the sex positive attitude was embraced in the mainstream and about what the results were. See the link below for the trailer.

    I can’t find the full thing online but if I do I’ll get back to you.

  51. sorin7486 April 2, 2012 at 7:54 am #

    PS: seems you can buy it online here

  52. No Where, Now Here! April 5, 2012 at 11:43 pm #

    Loving your podcast – like the spirit of the whole thing. Learning a lot, having a giggle.. and getting inspired to try new things. Thanks for sharing so much of yourselves!

    Q: Where can we find your upcoming events? …Love to attend one of these sometime.

    • Sandra Daugherty April 9, 2012 at 8:59 pm #

      Ah! I need to do an events sidebar but haven’t dug deep enough on wordpress to figure out how to do it.

      April 18th – teaching oral sex on males and females @pleasurechestLA – 8pm free

      April 23rd – polyamory panel podcast @nerdmeltla in hollywood – 8pm $10

      May 18th – podcast (topic tba) @nerdmeltla in hollywood – 7:30pm $10

      In July – teaching at Good Vibes in San Francisco

  53. Dave April 6, 2012 at 3:26 pm #

    Hi Sandra,

    I was wondering what your opinion of getting dating/sex advice etc. from friends. It is sometime very hard to talk to people about these things, especially if you are shy like me. However, after listening to some of your podcasts, I actually emailed you and Jamye Waxman earlier in the week. This seems pretty weird in a way because I told things to total strangers that I never have said to friends. Just wondering what your are on this. Do you ever think it is possible to go to too many places for advice? Just wondering because I am so ready to get to a new place in my life and I was really interested to hear what you had to say.

    • Sandra Daugherty June 13, 2012 at 6:40 pm #

      Friends mean well, but may or may not give good advice. We learn from our friends, just as much from what they do as from what they say. People’s actions say a lot. See how they live their life. If it’s a way that works for you, perhaps then their wisdom might help. I have talked to thousands of people about sex & so has Jamye. We all have our areas of expertise. Above all else, trust yourself & your inner voice. Good luck!

  54. benmech April 13, 2012 at 10:22 pm #

    @ Sandra, Dave, and Nerdist Industries:

    Great podcast. Educational, fun, Conversational, humorous, sexy and a little x-factor somewhere in there.

    Complaint/suggestion/comment: Would it be too much to ask to set up a visual transmission of the podcast as you have it going? There are times when it seems you want to go into demonstration mode, but a video presentation may help.

    Also, NYC episodes?

    – B

    • Sandra Daugherty April 16, 2012 at 1:27 am #

      I want to a visual show! If you want that, let @nerdist know on twitter. And YES I want an NYC episode, too. Someday!

  55. EroSempai April 14, 2012 at 3:03 am #

    Sandra. Some of your experiences are close to mine. I’ve slept with 4 guys that were virgins before me. One is my friend after 2 years of not seeing each other, one is my designated driver and an ex-boyfriend, one became crazy (I seriously need to talk to him), and one is my current boyfriend of almost 2 years. I’ve gotten my new sex ideas from you lately and thank you for them! I’m also a fan fiction writer, my policy is if I don’t get turned on by a story, my site won’t get the content.

  56. Tuck April 15, 2012 at 9:50 pm #

    You have to address getting tested. I love what you do, Dave started out a bit of a jerk but you won him over the same as you do all of us that take the time to hear what you are saying. You are awesome. I’ll stop there because I don’t want to get weird or sound like a stoker. You often speak off safer sex but getting tested is important. By the way, I am OK but I had a scare, got treated, and learned a lot that everyone that is sexually active should know.
    Thanks for all you do. Cudoes to Dave.
    I am not sure I want you to use my name of the podcast but I wanted you to know I am a real person.

    • Sandra Daugherty April 16, 2012 at 1:25 am #

      I am totally working on an episode to talk about this. Getting tested is SO IMPORTANT! YES! Thank you :)

  57. EroSempai April 16, 2012 at 1:32 am #

    I am so happy to hear that response from you! I thought it would be really embarrassing really. I find it strange how I am more experienced then my boyfriend. Is this becoming common?I mean the girls with more experience compared to their men.

  58. anne April 19, 2012 at 1:23 pm #

    Love the podcast, it gets my girl bits all tingly.

    Quick question: I’ve been single a while and not so good at approaching guys and recently I’ve had some negative experiences that have really shaken my confidence. The last three times a guy has come up to me in a bar it was to say something disparaging like “I would never hit on you, your friend is way hotter than you” or somesuch. What’s that about? I’m now feeling like I must be pretty unnatractive or somehow obnoxious enough that this is the response I’m getting from strangers. I’m 30, what is up men behaving like that at our age?

    • Sandra Daugherty June 6, 2012 at 1:49 am #

      That’s awful! Why on earth would someone do that to another human? It’s possible they might have thought you were super hot and used the pickup artist technique of putting a hot girl down to knock her off her supposed high horse. I dunno. Other than that, it’s a strange thing to do. Sounds like a tacky tactic at getting in your pants.

      • B.Reynolds June 6, 2012 at 5:21 am #

        So this is both for you Sandra but mostly for Anne who was really bothered by the comments of some guys who said they’d never hit on her… They were hitting on you. In it’s infancy pick-up science incorporated techniques like that. This has since evolved to the broader category of “disqualification technique”. The idea here (and it’s a sound theory) goes like this: Statistically women get hit on far far more than men. Purely as a means of sorting through all those potential mates women have to develope good social filters. As a consequence of that men interested in attracting a specific woman (especially a woman of high value) needs to take some action that telegraphs a lack of interest. Lack of interest then allows for much of that social filtering to be bypassed. Originally this took a form similar to what you experienced. Sadly, the freshmen practitioners you ran into haven’t done their homework and didn’t have a more effective and more polite toolkit. You must be a knockout.

    • Donnie June 17, 2012 at 5:55 pm #

      Yup. Good news: those guys are saying the opposite of what they think, so when they hurt your feelings like that, it was actually a sign that they found you attractive, for what that’s worth.

      Bad news: feel free to accept the ego boost, but knowing they were hitting on you doesn’t really help that much in a practical sense because you’d be nuts to date them or sleep with them.

  59. Goner April 22, 2012 at 7:01 pm #

    Hello, Sex Nerd Sandra! I’d like to preface this to save face, because it was a twitter incident, but I have no way to make this less dorky. I responded to a tweet, ” ‘I knew she was faking’ the greatest lie a man ever told’ ” I asked, “…why not just communicate or stop?” I got no response. The “faking it” has bugged me. I immediately question the authenticity to my great sexual experiences, because “faking it” seems to be a regular incident. It’s like trying to be friends with a con man. Can you ever trust them? It seems like a constant cycle of let down.

    • Sandra Daugherty June 6, 2012 at 1:45 am #

      Yeah, fakery in bed is a type of communication breakdown. It’s a symptom of a bigger issue. With better relationship & intimacy skills, this type of thing subsides.

  60. Lya April 24, 2012 at 10:41 am #

    Hi Sandra,

    So I just got introduced to your podcast through Nerdist and I’ve listen to about half of them in the past two days. I was/am currently listening to the Harem Hottie podcast and something you said made me laugh. You mentioned that you had 1 million listeners and thanks for telling your friends, but you felt awkward saying thanks for telling youf family esp. your mom. Well my mom is a gynecologist and just yesterday I was talking to her about your podcast and recommended it to her. So some of us lucky ones do get to tell our moms.

    Thanks again for the wonderful podcasts, I’m learning so many things from a non technical, moms a vagina doctor type way.



  61. Nicholas Terpening (@NTerp1980) April 26, 2012 at 8:06 pm #

    Sandra thank you for what you are doing. I recently listened to your virgin and kissing podcasts. I have to say that the virgin episode got to me because two years ago I had the chance to sleep with my best friend. I had a lot of fun, and I was proud to say that when I turned 30 a few months later I wasn’t a virgin. Not that that is a bad thing. Any way I am rambling. I still feel like a novice to the whole sex scene. Mainly because I have had just the one partner. I guess what I am trying to say is thank you for doing the virgin episode and the big love one. Ok so thanks again.

  62. beamy85 May 15, 2012 at 12:04 pm #

    Just downloaded 4 of the pod casts yesterday and I just love them! Your laugh is cute and contagious and Dave’s “manly” voice and quirks are a fun addition!!! Thanks! :)

  63. beamy85 May 15, 2012 at 12:07 pm #

    Just downloaded 4 of the podcasts yesterday and I love them! You’re laugh is cute and infectious and Dave’s manly voice and remarks are an added bonus! Thanks for the continuing sex ed!

  64. anonymouSteve May 18, 2012 at 1:42 am #

    Thank you a lot, Sandra! I found your podcasts in a round-about way, my favorite morning radio show (Stephanie Miller) introduced me to Aisha Tylers’ Girl on Guy podcast which introduced me to The Nerdist (Chris Hardwick), then his Nerdist Industies iTunes page introduced me to your podcast (2 more connecting links and I’d have to find a way to fit Kevin Bacon in there).

    Your podcasts on virgins and bigger bodied people were the first 2 I listened to since they both apply to me (29 y.o., 375lbs), I had pretty much consigned myself to being that way for the rest of my life, and it showed in my behavior/body language (I was awkward/neurotic, exactly like Steve Carrell in the 40 Year Old Virgin), I was mentally beating myself up every day for being a virgin this long, you could (if you saw me) visibly tell that I was not happy with myself. But just hearing someone talk about how it’s ok, that it’s not something I should treat as if it’s the (dramatic voice) “Mark Of The Beast”, since listening to those two podcasts I’ve felt “lighter”, and definitely more confident, I’ve even noticed women look at me differently (in a good way). Now, I’m still a virgin (I only found your podacast a week and a half ago), and I don’t expect to lose that Virgin title anytime soon (had to move back in with my parents, damn economy), but until that happens, I’ll keep listening to your podcasts, I’m learning so much new stuff from them.

  65. Terry Huddy May 18, 2012 at 2:44 am #

    Hi Sanda,
    I used to think of myself of the ‘sex-ed queen’ until I stumbled upon your podcast. I’ve been listening for a few months now and just felt like I had to let you know how much I appreicate what you do.
    I teach sex-ed to 8th graders in Australia. Luckily I teach at a private independent school so we are not bound by religious restrictions and the parents really appreicate the all inclusive approach we take. We cover everything from the usual puberty, STI’s, safe sex, to sexuality and the act of sex.
    Your advice to teenagers about being true to yourself, emotionally as well as physically safe, and not being afraid of speaking up is what I feel like I’ve been striving to teach. When you discussed sex positivity and neutrality it really clicked with me! I’m going to keep listening so you just keep on podcasting baby!

    • Sandra Daugherty June 6, 2012 at 1:50 am #

      Fantastic! And we just released our 2nd Birds ‘n’ Bees episode, so now there are 2 more episodes on talking to kids and teens! Rock on in your good work!

  66. annonymous (male) May 18, 2012 at 4:47 pm #

    Hi, Sandra I was listening your most recent podcast (Orgasms for Everyone) and as I was raised in a strict Christian Family that didn’t talk much about sex (So you been really helpful in alot of things I had questions about now that I am in collage) and you guys mentioned that you didn’t understand why christians think masturbation is evil. The way it was explained to me (I don’t believe this anymore) was that as you well know masturbation requires a good deal of mental with the physical aspect and the Bible says if you imagine doing something sexual to another person you are a sinful as if you did that yourself. But in general I don’t think Christians have a problem with post-marital masturbation. Anyway I thought you might find that interesting.

    • Sandra Daugherty June 6, 2012 at 1:51 am #

      Whoa, that really gets in your mind. So, what if a person masturbates without fantasizing? Is it still considered “evil”?

  67. Jason B. Brown (@jason_mog) May 23, 2012 at 7:31 pm #

    The podcast is most excellent! I took advantage of the SEX NERD code at adameve.com. I ordered me a butt plug so I can experience the prostate orgasms. My wife and I are experiencing our second wind, so to speak, in the area of sex. This podcast has helped me approach the pleasuring of my wife in a whole new way. Thanks, Sex Nerd Sandra!!

    • Sandra Daugherty June 6, 2012 at 1:53 am #

      So great. thanks for supporting. I congratulate you on your 2nd wind!

  68. Becca May 24, 2012 at 7:17 pm #

    Yay for this podcast! I love it. I’ve been listening for the last few months but need to take time to catch up on past episodes. As someone who, until recently, was a “virgin”, I loved your virgin episode. It was actually posted just a few weeks after. And you’re totally right; we make a HUGE deal out of losing one’s virginity and it’s so not a big deal. I was fortunate enough that it wasn’t awkward for me and it was actually really good; I credit my partner with that. And I used the sexnerd code at Adam and Eve and am pretty excited about it. Felt like a thrifty grown up, ordering my first toy and getting it for half price! Thanks so much for what you do and keep ’em coming!

    • Sandra Daugherty June 6, 2012 at 1:55 am #

      Way to shop smart AND sexy! And congratulations on your new sexual experience. Welcome to the fun side.

  69. iamtracylynn May 31, 2012 at 9:13 am #

    Hi Sandra, I love the podcast! I’m 18 weeks pregnant and would love to hear about sex when pregnant…positions, what not to do etc.
    I lately do not feel attractive at all despite my partner being horny all day and I feel like I’m hurting his feelings when I constantly turn him down, but i don’t feel any sort of sex drive lately. Anything related to pregnancy would be amazing as this is my first child! Thanks! Take care!

  70. Biff June 4, 2012 at 8:07 am #

    Hey, SNS. We all should be sex-positive, Team Fun(tm) members. Furthermore, cultural fascism is a bad thing — my values shouldn’t infringe on yours. Now, having said that, I’m having a hard time with mainstream porn these days. There seems to be a preponderance of “you’re a slut, and i’m going to ream you with my telephone pole dick, choke you with it until you puke and cry, and then ass-to-mouth you with it” style gonzo porn. It may not be the norm just yet, but it’s very prevalant. This style of porn seems to me to be 1) unhygenic to penetrated actors, and 2) abusive. Is anyone else concerned about this stuff? Maybe an episode about broadening the spectrum of porn is in order? Thanks for reading my comments! Yer devoted fan, Biff.

    • Sandra Daugherty June 6, 2012 at 1:58 am #

      I hope to do an episode on the genres of porn available. Porn, like fashion, goes through it’s seasons. Right now it’s a little chokey. The pendulum keeps swinging and I see it headed in a new direction.

      • Biff June 7, 2012 at 6:51 am #

        I don’t know if you are familiar with AIM (an group that provides STI screenings for adult film actors) or Dr. Sharon (who is the founder, and a sexologist and retired performer), but I would be very interested to hear what she has to say about the risks of bacteria transfer in ass-to-wherever acts (although I think HIV prevention is her forte). In the documentaries that I’ve seen, behaviors are opt-in for actors (like if an actor doesn’t do anal, he/she doesn’t take parts that require those behaviors), so it’s not as if these are being forced upon actors who are uninformed. But I just kind of wonder how many of them are really *down* for that shit. Literally.

    • Apu June 6, 2012 at 8:18 pm #

      Well Biff you are not very “sex positive” are you? in fact I think you are judging!!!!!

  71. Allie June 11, 2012 at 9:36 am #


    I’m playing catch up and just listened to the virgin and big, big love episodes. I live in the DC area and really enjoyed hearing John. He sounds like the kind of guy I’m looking for, at least on the surface.

    Is he single? =)

  72. Biff June 13, 2012 at 1:43 pm #

    If orgasms were music, they would sound like M83. Wait for it at about 1:00 in. http://youtu.be/0StXJNxZxCo

  73. Adam Diamond June 14, 2012 at 9:54 pm #

    Your podcast are amazing!!! Keep up the good work. I’m spreading the word about you in Utah. Lol

  74. Donnie in Illinois June 17, 2012 at 7:26 pm #

    I love the podcast. I just ordered a pair of the Berman Astrea remote vibrating panties on your recommendation, since I had no idea what the differences between the various remote vibrators are. I’ll check back in when I’ve had a chance to use them. My wife and I go out to dinner or dancing and end up spending half an hour to an hour in the car on the way home . . . I want to keep the mood going until I get her home, so I’m going to ask her to wear these out and then buzz her occasionally all the way home. I think we’ll have a great time. Thanks!

  75. alphaprg June 17, 2012 at 10:30 pm #

    I found this on Yahoo News. Hope you like it. ;)


  76. Lauren June 20, 2012 at 5:15 am #

    Love your podcast! In regards to recent episode dating & chivalry you mentioned a new bj technique but didn’t have a name. What about calling it the chef, or a reference to the muppets (just for fun) and calling it the Swedish chef! Which actually could also take off because of the recent controversy regarding the recent @Sweden twitter person who posted tweets not everyone agreed with, none about bj’s though so I guess it’s not really related at all, but meaning it could be related when typing in Sweden and something like a bj.

  77. Fred June 21, 2012 at 9:49 am #

    I know this is falling on deaf ears, But my brain is buzzing…… I was listening to your podcast on Gold Star Polyamory. And I’m a bit taken back…..I am not usually critical of other peoples lifestyles, but when it concerns impacting others and there growth, It bugs me.
    To suggest a Polyamous lifestyle would not impact children is reckless. In just a divorce or loss of a partner or any change impacts children greatly and with a rotating cast of characters in an open relationship I believe would create a instability in their life that would carry through to the adult years.
    As for my general felling on the matter after I listened to the podcast, I think that being Polyamorous is a narrow view on the world that is only contained within a selfish universe and if you don’t prescribe to that universe you are a lessor person. That feeling was sledgehammered home by your guest KJ.
    Sorry for being negative, I think that your podcast opens a lot of conversations that need to happen, But I don’t want you to go down a road that excludes the people that need education and not to make it so the club is only open to the 18 to 32 year old person. Thanks, Cya.

  78. Abel orizaba June 24, 2012 at 7:40 am #

    Hi Sandra I love your podcast and it’s ignited the sex nerd in me. I have a weird a question. Im 18 and I’ve been with my boyfriend for over two years; now is it weird that I get REALLY turned on when my boyfriend talks in a little kid voice and while he does that we do the “consensual-rape-fantasy-role-playing” thing? I would love an answer. Thank you

  79. Robby June 24, 2012 at 6:40 pm #

    My wife is deployed to Kuwait and I was wondering, what are some ways we can have fun with each other sexually through that type of distance? I absolutely love the podcast and it has opened my brain to how cool and fun sex can be.

  80. Rocky June 28, 2012 at 12:43 pm #


    Amidst the score of comments on your show, I was flabbergasted to find so few telling you how hot you are. I imagine it is rather shallow of me to say so. It would be ironic indeed, however, if I couldn’t tell a woman who is the epitome of openness in all matters sexual, that her pixs and especially her voice (the real window to her soul) were a huge turn-on.




  81. Heather July 18, 2012 at 3:18 pm #

    I’ve recently heard about ‘karezza’ and since your research on these things is undeniably amazing, I was wondering if you could include it in a podcast…I think it is interesting at lead :P

  82. Matt from Australia July 18, 2012 at 10:14 pm #

    I have recently discovered this podcast and I am enjoying it. It removes the shame that builds up every so often from desiring women yet trying to be polite and socially acceptable at all times. When a woman rejects me I hear “don’t be sexual ever it’s WRONG!” instead of “don’t be sexual with me but you should with someone else as it’s normal, healthy and natural”. Every time after listening to a one of these podcast I get into that relaxed team fun accepting my desires. It also reduces the body shame that pornography has instilled in me over the years. So in summary I think your podcast should be prescribed as an anti anxiety medication :-).

  83. Christianna from Baltimore July 25, 2012 at 3:13 pm #

    Dear Sandra,
    My boyfriend and I have been listening to you for the past year, and have really benefitted from your helpful tips and sex positive perspective. We love you.
    In many episodes of your podcast, you mention the titles books and, being an inquisitive person, I would really like to pursue some of your recommended reading. I was looking through the site trying to find a book list, and perhaps I’m just an inobservant person, but I was unable to find one. I know you’re a busy lady, but I’d you could at some point make a page wih a book list, I would be thrilled. Muchas gracias!

    • Ali November 21, 2012 at 2:47 pm #

      I agree! I try to pause the podcast and pull out “notepad” on my iphone to type them down, but often I’m driving and can’t. Sometimes I can’t or forget to jot them down and then I’m lost trying to find the podcast it was mentioned in…
      This would be AWESOME Sandra, if it’s at all possible. Thanks for your podcasts… they are WONDERFUL!

  84. Cindy August 2, 2012 at 3:55 am #


    My husband got me stated listening to your podcasts. I really do enjoy them. It makes the drive to and from work more enjoyable. I have learned a few things and hope to learn more. I am one of those people who was raised that sex was not a topic to be discussed. My husband has a high sex drive and I find it hard to keep up. We also tend to get into a rut and I really am having a hard time finding different things to do to help keep it interesting. We have a 7 yr old so it is kinda hard to be spontaneous. I so want to keep him happy. Thank you for helping me lighten. It is going slowly but I hope to be better soon. Thank you for your help. Keep up the awesome shows. I have a lot of your old ones to catch up on and looking forward to each one.

  85. Tom from Chicago August 6, 2012 at 5:32 pm #

    Hey Sandra I really enjoy the show you and after actively being single for years it’s a nice roadmap to sex. I’ve recently met a great girl and have had hardness issues which thanks to you I know is all in my head. I recently experienced the inability to climax even after a long time receiving oral. My question is this completely in my head or could it possibly be something else. Thanks for any response and love the show again

  86. Floyd August 11, 2012 at 5:36 pm #

    Me and the wife were in town from Vegas to see KATG @nerdmelt. Visited the Pleasure Chest to say hi and put a face to a voice ,but, you weren’t there :( .However we did walk out with some fun new toys. Keep up the great podcast!

  87. Kyle August 13, 2012 at 10:05 pm #

    Sandra, your podcast is amazingly informative and hilarious! Keeps me going at work when things get tedious. Sorry if this is long and contains excess TMI, but maybe you might be able to use bits in the podcast and if you answer my question that’s great too!

    I am a 24-year-old heterosexual uncircumcised male. When I was first exploring my sexuality(early high school), my first girlfriend was on the pill and we were what you would call “fluid bonded” right off the bat and never used condoms. This relationship lasted several years, and we called it off when college rolled around and we went to different schools. It soon became apparent that condoms would be a necessary part of college life, and when things started to get serious with a new lady friend I found myself unprepared to use them. The first time with this new partner, we(I) blew right through the condom–as in blasted a hole right through the tip. No big deal, she was on the pill anyway, crisis averted… but now I had lost trust in this particular form of contraception. I was certain I had put it on right… pinch the tip, roll to the base. However, I have a moderately loose foreskin–it can mostly cover the head of my penis when I’m erect. When I put the condom on, I clearly remember wondering whether I should pull the foreskin back, or leave it “up”. I had left it up that time. We subsequently didnt use condoms, and eventually went our separate ways.

    Fast forward a few years, and a few partners; and I found myself using condoms on a regular basis. I have tried a variety of brands, with always a significant failure rate regardless of initial foreskin position, amount of lubrication, or positions. Trojan “Her Pleasure” seems best overall, and what I ended up doing was switching to a new condom halfway through. Still, this has resulted in a couple awkward nights and morning runs to the pharmacy.

    I met my current partner in March of this year, and she told me she had an IUD. Yippee! Commence epic bedroom romping. Little did I know, she did not actually have an IUD, but had been told by a doctor that she was not capable of having children and was not comfortable sharing this fact with me so early in our relationship. Well, guess who got pregnant?! (hint: not me). My initial though was, “Oh shit… she thought she couldnt get pregnant so this could be her only chance to have a kid.” However, she was totally honest and super cool about everything. She went and got an abortion.
    She works as a ranger for the Forest Service, and we have been apart for the summer. She returns in a couple weeks, and I’m thinking I’d better know how to make those rubbers work for me. Suggestions? We really like each other, and are exceptionally compatible in the bedroom. Looking forward to sharing what I’ve learned from the podcast. ;)

    Also, a masturbation tip (literally “Just the Tip”) for those uncut guys out there: Rub the head like it’s a clit, with the “knuckle armpit”, clench your PC muscles, and try to get off without any stroking of the shaft. Feels AMAZING, but takes patience. Use lube (spit works), and I alternate between foreskin up and foreskin pulled back for varied sensation. Might work for circumcised guys too, worth a try!

    Go team fun!

  88. Stuart August 15, 2012 at 10:23 am #

    Hi there
    Just wanted to say that the latest podcast was one of the best and most interesting ones I’ve listened to so far. It was really interesting getting into the psychology of the issues, it’s something I am struggling with. Where I grew up people are somewhat sexually repressed, and since I moved to the US I’ve been a little bit out of my depth. I’ve been listening to your podcast so I can learn and try overcome some of my issues, and it’s been helping me, and it’s great that it’s hilarious too. You’re doing a fantastic job. If I ever get round to having sex one day, I’m going to be brilliant.

  89. e man August 16, 2012 at 4:59 am #

    i lessened to the podcast about sex shame. the fact that the men first time they hear about anal play are prison stories and associate that action with punishment when they are adults.

  90. Angelina Ballerina August 24, 2012 at 10:02 am #

    Hi, I just found your podcast through you’re guest spot on Nerdist about a week ago and I’m hooked! . and I’m spreading the love by making all my friends listen too :)

  91. Greg Allbrigh September 4, 2012 at 8:51 pm #

    I was recently talking to a friend of a friend and things were moving forward. Our mutual friend took me aside and told me that the girl i was talking to was born with testicals where her ovaries should have been. She only found out in puberty after her voice got deep and one day had unbearable pain. My friend wanted to worn me incase things were off in her vagina region and i so i wouldnt freak out if she told me. I was surprised by how little this bothered me and was wondering on the views of yourselves and a larger audience.

  92. allenfamilystory September 14, 2012 at 9:37 am #

    I just read this article about “not porn” natural porn. You can share your own or view others.


  93. Isa September 18, 2012 at 2:09 pm #

    Hi Sandra,

    I recently realized that I am, in fact, very bi (equally enthusiastic for both), and I’ve been interested in exploring this side more….except I’m not sure how to go about it. Any thoughts on how I might be able to explore my love of women (besides looking through CL ads)?

  94. Antonio by way of Florida September 19, 2012 at 4:14 pm #

    So having just discovered you through your podcast (I’m at episode 4) and despite reading all your posts and the posts here, I may be asking a redundant question. Please forgive me:

    Can you speak about the intersection of dating and sex? Specifically, how good (great?) sex or just sex too early after the start of dating can be a crutch propping up an otherwise shaky relationship.

    Not to say I’m an expert (I’ve only been physically intimate with two girls, both girlfriends), but I believe I may be too good for my own good. In both cases, I had sex with both girls on the third date. My current (and probably soon to be ex) girlfriend recently told me if our sexual chemistry wasn’t so good, she’d have left me months ago (we met three months ago). I’m more attentive or earnest than “good”, I think. She had never received oral, for example. I ask questions, do research (I’m so happy I found you!) and apply it like a legit nerd would do, haha. Just thinking I may have inadvertently developed a liability.

    In any case, thank you so much for what you do!

    • Sandra Daugherty September 25, 2012 at 3:42 pm #

      I see your question springing forth from this compliment-taken-as-a-bad-thing from your sort-of-ex. Humility is an admirable trait and yet it is still okay to accept that she feels a sexual chemistry with you, whether or not she is experienced.

      Plenty of people stay in relationships for reasons other than the warm & fuzzies. Great sexual chemistry is one of them. This isn’t a matter of keeping sex out of dating so you don’t slay the wrong girl. This is life. This is the choosing of who to be with. We all have our reasons. Don’t let her one stated reason get blown out of proportion. Your sexual prowess is a good thing. If you’re worried you’re so ridiculously good in bed that women will want you for that, sure, hold back a bit. Save your good tricks for later on. Whatever will make you feel better. Honestly, though, she’s just one woman and chemistry is unique to the person. Chill out.

      The real question is, if sex is why she’s still with you, are you okay with that? It’s possible you two might be spending time together for very different reasons. I wish you well with this!

      • Antonio by way of Florida September 27, 2012 at 5:40 pm #

        Your attention made my day! Thanks so much.

        Ever since I found your podcast, I feel like I have two new buddies in you and Dave encouraging me to be sex positive. It’s pretty great.
        My girlfriend did end up breaking up with me through text (who does that!?), so that sucks. Your advice here and in your podcasts, though, will help me immeasurably to get through this drama now and to have better experiences in the future.

        Thanks again for doing what you do and please keep on, like forever, haha.

  95. James September 19, 2012 at 7:06 pm #

    New listener to your podcast and podcast in general. Absolutely awesome what you and Dave do for everyone. I generally listen to the podcast while driving, it’s really my only chance. Still trying to catch up on the old podcasts. By far though my favorite is the episode is the one about your visit to Japan. I have been stationed in Japan twice and I totally understand your trip and experience there. Again thank you for what you do.

  96. sexaul advocate September 23, 2012 at 11:54 am #

    Hi Sandra,

    I have been a fan of app store market. this one sex app that used to be on Itunes called ikamasutra. due to a lot of apple bureaucracy; they took the app off the app store and is only currently available on android and amazon. I was wondering if you could rally support for this app to be able to be back on the app store market. for more details i’m sending a link. a great sex app on the apple store is kalm surta! can’t wait for more sex nerd sandra podcasts!

  97. Beth September 28, 2012 at 3:14 pm #

    Hey Sandra,
    First off, one of my top three favorite podcasts (the other two being Nerdist and Savage Love). I love love love your show. I have learned so much about sex that I didn’t know. Also, I finally figured out what I am thanks to your podcast. (95% straight 5% gay, that episode really stuck with me.) Thank you for bringing much laughs and entertainment.

    P.S. Dave has the sexiest voice I’ve ever heard.

  98. KD October 3, 2012 at 6:21 pm #

    Sandra and Dave,
    You were asking about sexuality on TV and I think that I can give a particular Canadian perspective. I am not sure how many of your listeners get Showcase on cable, but there is a show called “Lost Girl” which is very sexual and beautiful. Here is a link:

  99. Greg Preston October 8, 2012 at 4:55 pm #

    Hi Sandra. Thank you for your podcast. I discovered it about 2 months ago, and with my 2-hr auto commute (to and from work, every day), it has really complemented my constellation of audiobooks and Stitcher podcasts. I’ve even downloaded some back episodes in areas of interest.

    In the interest of full disclosure (verbally :)) I’m an amateur sex nerd, but a professional nerd (Ph.D. in biomedical sciences; working in drug research for a pharmaceutical company; committed to helping treat or cure human diseases). I’m just over 50, been in a devoted marriage for 25 years, and (here’s the kicker) I’m a Republican (oh, no, you say, how can that be?, is he an oxymoron you say?).

    I am writing for three reasons. First, thank you for your informative and entertaining podcasts. Second, thank you for enlightening me to Kegel exercises. They have helped me deal with physically deal with a 2-hour commute without having to pull over to use the restroom, and the results in the sack have my wife saying “oh, oh, oh, yes, yes, YES…”.

    And third, to let you know that you don’t have to be a liberal to be a sex nerd. I consider myself as fiscally conservative but socially liberal. I am for the government providing guidance and protection, but otherwise staying out of our lives. Perhaps I’m more Libertarian than Republican, but I rather work to move the Republican party towards sociological modernness than the Libertarians away from isolationism. ANd I don’t think I can move the Democrats towards fiscal conservatism (President Clinton did a good job here, but with the help of a Republican House and Senate). FYI, I know Bill O’Riley is old fashion concerning sexual awareness, but I don’t think he is an idiot. In fact I think he is quite smart on a lot of the issues I feel are important. But like a lot of people, he is not comfortable socially with sex. There are a LOT of people like him out there. One of the beautiful thinks about America is that we support diverse opinions and beliefs. In the long run, education rules, and you are doing a kick-ass job in that department, so thanks once again.

    (Please feel free to share this if you wish, but please withhold my name)

  100. Rachael October 10, 2012 at 2:57 pm #

    Reading recommendation: the collection of short stories by the sci fi author Ursula Le Guin called The Birthday of the World. Most of the stories deal with sex on other planets where some important aspect is different, such as everyone being intersexed or people having four-way marriages. One story is about ritual loss of virginity, which you brought up on one episode. It’s nerdy and sexy! So I thought you might like it.

  101. Sex Nerd Bob from Campbell, CA October 10, 2012 at 11:04 pm #

    Hi Sandra!

    Thank you for giving of your time and energy and knowledge to bring us fascinating nuggets of sexual joy each week! You and Dave Ross and your great guests keep me riveted to your podcasts.
    I’ve heard multiple Sex Nerd podcasts about various forms of birth control, but unless I’m mistaken, you haven’t covered infertility yet. This is a source of grief and anguish for a great many couples today. Do you plan to make any future podcasts on this topic?
    Again, thanks for your funny yet informative podcast. Please keep up the great work, you are doing a great job with it!

    Sex Nerd Bob

  102. ryan October 16, 2012 at 4:44 pm #


    I listened to your Policing Porn podcast, I agreed with many things but I think the Porn Industry tries to make it seem like porn “is all harmless and everybody does because they want to.” I’m not against pornography but I think the wave of porn that is being produced nowadays is extremely hardcore and promotes sexual violence. We get off to these things in the privacy of our own homes not realizing how it is affecting our sexual relationships. I read a book called Pornland which looks pretty deeply into the horrific nature of new wave porn (body punishing porn), and the ideas it subconsciously instills in our minds as viewers.

    It would be great if you could have the author of the book Gail Dines on your podcast, I would love to hear a conversation about the effects of new wave pornography.


    • Mo November 26, 2012 at 1:10 pm #

      I also read Pornland and would love to hear you interview Gail Dines.

  103. Nikko The Kid October 19, 2012 at 6:26 pm #

    Hey! The show is so awesome. I know you guys are always doing stuff outside the show butttt for people living around the Ohio valley don’t feel like we have much of a chance seeing your awesome faces! So can you think about coming close? Maybe please? In the mean time those of us in the area shall grow your following. Keep winning ;-)

  104. Wandering Polarbear October 29, 2012 at 8:38 pm #

    Sex Nerd Sandra (and Dave), your show ROCKS! I’ve been listening to you since the beginning and have enjoyed each and every one of your shows. Even the ones that have seriously pushed my boundaries. Both you and Dave do a fantastic job of explaining and exploring this much neglected side of humanity and should be heartily commended. I hope to listen to many more sex nerd lectures in the future.
    ~Wandering Polarbear

  105. torie November 4, 2012 at 1:22 am #

    Wow! I just wanted to say thank you so much for having such a fantastic podcast. I live in South Korea, which with Japan, in case you didn’t know, is one of the most sexually suppressed places outside of the Muslim world. (I’m not saying that to be negative, just as a fact of life… sex is absolutely taboo in all of the above places). Sex education doesn’t even exist in some of the most basic forms (as in, “Here, pre-pubescent children… you will have a period, this is what you do. Someday, you might want to have sex, this is what sex is. Here are some safety measures you can take…”) I was talking to one of my coworkers/friends about the pill. Now, she’s married and has a kid, and even she didn’t know anything about BC or any other contraceptives apart from condoms. While I’m not a crazy sex-a-holic (and I’m not trying to convert Koreans to be that way either), it’s so sad and extremely frustrating when people condemn you just for saying you go out salsa dancing past 10pm, let alone you’re not a virgin (OMG a single woman out alone at night?! That can only lead to one thing! What a hussy!). So when I found your podcast, it was like a big breath of fresh air. Wow, there are other open-minded sex-positive people out there!! While I could only WISH that someone would start a sex-positive, non-pornographic podcast like this in Korean (that I could recommend to Koreans), this is a start. Thank you so much for your sex-positivity, the wide variety of amazing, knowledgeable guests, the great light-hearted humour from Dave Ross and sharing your passion for sex education and a positive view on sex.

  106. Christopher Reynolds December 14, 2012 at 9:17 pm #

    In one Podcast you mentioned that you might put together a list of Sex Toy stores. I’m in CT and it seems the stores I visit never have anything you mention on your podcasts except the items to avoid.

  107. ertai23 December 22, 2012 at 9:17 pm #


  108. ertai23 December 22, 2012 at 9:50 pm #


    Just started listening to the podcasts, and I came across a comment that really spoke to me, and I wanted to share it with you and the other people reading this. Some personal context will follow, but feel free to skip the next paragraph.

    I am 25, male, Dutch, autistic and recently got broken up with after two years (my first relationship). My.ex was my first (and so far only) sex partner. Before she and I got together, I had more or less given up on sex and relationships. It was something I didn’t understand and I accepted the possibility I never would. Then I got into the relationship and started learning about sex and relationships, at least with her. But then it ended and I was pretty much catapulted back to the point in my personal development before the relationship. While I have more practical experience and a more developed sexual identity (though a difference in that development is a facet of why it ended), the whole how-to-get-it part is, again, a mystery. Which is what the important comment I mentioned in the first sentence was about. But the paragraph is not yet finished. I am well liked, smart, funny and kind. Yet I’ve only managed to turn that into sex once (even though that took 2 years). This mismatch is in part due to not being able to sense all the subtext in social contact, and really wanting to be a good guy. For example, one time I got close to sex, but didn’t, because the girl in question was pretty drunk, and I didn’t want to take advantage of her. A year later I suddenly realised that that was her modus operandi. The sex I have had was a result of a lot of talking and weighing the pros and cons. This is how I usually act, which is why I don’t smoke, but as a method for getting sex, it hasn’t been that succesful. (even though in my mind ‘I like you as a person, you like me, sex is fun, why aren’t we having it?’ should work well, in practice, it doesn’t.)

    Which is where the comment in the podcast comes in. This rational method is partly due to my personality, but also partly due to my dislike of the whole thing of guys forcefully getting into girls’ personal space, getting them drunk and generally being aggro and assholey. But the comment in question abput this and nerdy guys was pretty much that if you’re not an asshole, that kind of action will not by definition be assholey. Which does free me up to be a little more forward. So thanks!

  109. Jeff Jordan December 30, 2012 at 6:56 pm #

    Hello Sandra,

    I am in the process of listening to your Podcast “Sex Nerds Unite” from October 17, 2012. The Sex Nerd Sandra Podcasts have been both enlightening and entertaining. It is good to finally realize that I’m not the only person that thinks the way I do…There is a whole bunch that share in the level of divergent and convergent thoughts and perceptions. Thank you for this podcast.

    The point of me writing at this time is in response to a comment you made in the above-mentioned podcasts. It had to do with a not-so-nice comment that a person you were sharing intimate time with made. You mentioned that you needed to possibly separate your “nerd” side with your “personal intimate” time. The specific issue I have with this take is that it goes against something that I have really identified with when I’ve listened to your podcasts: It is okay to be who I am. Even if that is counter to what others/society thinks.

    The level of credentials I have (or lack thereof), do not really allow for great insight. That said: In the past podcasts, I’ve come to understand your public persona as a caring person that actually believes that other people are unique and beautiful just the way they are. If my perceptions are correct, I feel that it is accurate to state that you likely believe that people need to be true to who they are on the inside. The potential result of a person being dishonest with themselves is that they will not represent who they are with others or be “true” to who they are. I urge you to stay true to you.

    I don’t claim that I wouldn’t have felt freaked out as your partner if I were in that situation. I do hope I would have appreciated the person it was coming from enough to understand that is what makes them attractive in the first place. People tie a great deal of there self-identity in with intimacy with others (even with ourselves). Please keep your uniqueness especially yours.

    One last point about something I’ve come to really enjoy: Your level of excitement you have for your ideas. I’ve even thought of your thoughts of “brain-gasms”. You have such enjoyment of pure thought. This message has gone on too long already. You and Dave are doing a spectacular job…Keep it up.

    Jeff Jordan

  110. blindjon January 17, 2013 at 3:09 am #

    Hey Sandra,
    Just thought I’d drop you a line to comment on the impact you’ve had on my life. To cut a long story short, and to bypass the gory details, three years ago I got sick with a condition that robbed me of my sight. As you can imagine being told I was blind gave me a lot to adjust too, my condition has meant that I have spent extended periods in hospital and you have kept me company the whole time.
    As I recovered and adapted to my new life you were a presence, talking about sex and relationships, this exposure and conversation finally got me to thinking about dating and sex again. I think your work and podcast were a major factor In me feeling and thinking as a sexual person again, you and Dave have also made me smile during some very dark times.
    I will say that dating as a blind person Is a completely different experience, imagine being on a date and not being able to see or respond to body language?
    Thanks for all your work and please, please keep it up.


  111. Hannah January 18, 2013 at 10:46 am #

    Hi Sandra,
    I just wanted to say a HUGE thank you for all you are doing on your podcast. I grew up in a household in which sex was considered totally shameful and sinful, and listening to you and Dave talk has really given me a new perspective. I’m 34 years old, and also always thought that I had a lot of sexual things wrong with me, or that I was different from everyone else. In your podcasts, you’ll make passing comments about orgasm, fantasy, and arousal, and I realize, “wow! I’m not abnormal….I’m just SEXUAL.” How cool is that? So I feel more empowered than ever before to explore my sexuality with joy and to have fun with it. Thanks much and keep doing what you’re doing. :)

  112. Sean M January 25, 2013 at 6:43 pm #

    Great podcast! Both highly entertaining and informative. Interesting, honest discussions; you have a new fan!

  113. grebpumpion January 28, 2013 at 10:51 pm #

    Thank you Sandra and Dave for the brilliant discussion with Ryan Witherspoon on Healthy Kink. Being somewhat new to BDSM, I’ve been looking all over for decent information about the psychology of it. And there it was on your podcast that I’ve been following since day one. I should have known… blush. I was wondering if you knew of further sources of information regarding the psychology and understanding of BDSM sex? Also, any suggestions on good BDSM practical guides would be greatly appreciated.

    I also loved the way in which the subject was discussed because so much of what’s out there on BDSM seems negative or voyeuristic. It’s so cool that someone is doing some serious research in actually understanding people who express sexuality in this way. I’ve personally experienced that doctors and psychologists are largely uninformed about the subject and still see it, primarily, as deviant behaviour. I learned quickly to not bring it up.

    It was great to hear about actual evidence that people who enjoy BDSM sex experience a drop in the stress hormone cortisol. Both my partner and I experience a certain calmness and relaxation afterwards. And, although, much of what was discussed wasn’t a huge surprise – since after all we are part of the 10% – it was a joy to get some validation. Neither one of us has been sexually abused nor have experienced any of the other blanket stereotypes that are commonly applied. In fact, we’re a bit boring, and definitely nerdy.

    Many thanks for keeping it sex positive,
    -Millie oxo

  114. tardisbaby January 29, 2013 at 12:05 pm #

    Dear Sandra and Dave,

    I’m a 17 year old girl living in a fairly conservative family in a fairly conservative suburb, where sex is rarely and awkwardly discussed (and yet we have at least three pregnant incoming freshman a year; go figure). I am not looking to having sex at the moment, but being fascinated in people and an all-around curious person it is something that I crave information about, and think that it’s useful info to have before I need it. And yet the few times I have asked questions or have tried to discussed it, I am either regarded as a pervert or approached as if I am interested in having sex, which I am neither.

    Because of you guys I know not only useful sexual information, but how to talk openly with people and how to set boundaries; It’s strange to find out that I know more about contraception and relationships than teens my age that have actually had sex and relationships. I just wanted to say thank you for opening up a world to me that I feel prepared and unpressured to jump into when I am ready. Continue what you are doing and enlightening nerds like me.

    Go team fun!

    -Yet another virgin sex-nerd

  115. dryvagg February 12, 2013 at 8:27 pm #

    Any suggestions for the most long lasting lube?
    I get dried out really fast, even when I am still fully turned on and going.
    Its not very sexy to have to keep reapplying lube every couple minutes so hoping to find a better solution.
    Or am I going about this wrong? Is there a way to keep me wet or to prolong the lasting of the lube?


  116. James B. March 8, 2013 at 11:33 am #

    I would consider myself a non-standard listener. I don’t agree with many of the views espoused by you and your guests but I like to learn and find your podcast educational and entertaining. That being said, I would caution you on the direction you are going post-Dave. In a nutshell, the straight-man isn’t much fun to listen to without the funny man. I am afraid that a show that focuses on the regimented, information based show may not reach as many as you’d like. I would encourage you to find another funny man that has an interest in discussing sex issues and for goodness sake, encourage them to speak up about objections. Other than being the funny man, Dave was also the every man and that will be missed just as much. Good luck, I look forward to seeing the show evolve.

  117. Nicole March 20, 2013 at 5:52 am #

    I have been listening to the podcast for several months now. You and your guests (and Dave!) have given me lots to think about and ponder. Thanks to you, I have been more honest about my wants/needs and am processing a lot of my old baggage, like shame for a “promiscuous” youth. I’m 37 and feel like I am finally coming into my own sexuality in an authentic and healthy way. Ideas like non-monogamy have always intrigued me, but until recently I never felt secure enough to say it out loud. So thanks, for helping me on my journey. I enjoy the sciencey sex nerdiness of you. So keep it coming.

  118. amanda April 4, 2013 at 4:19 am #

    Sandra, I listen to your podcast every time a new one comes out. Listening to your advice, positivity, and stories has helped me come to terms with my sexuality. I came out as bi 1 year ago, and my husband and I have listened to your podcast to help me come to terms with my attractions. Not only that, but your guests and your topics have assisted me in exploring and becoming more open with my sexual tastes. I thank you for your adorable voice and charming stories, as it has helped me with playing with blowjobs, and healthy kinks. Thanks Sex Nerd Sandra!! My husband thanks you too! ;)

  119. Michelle April 21, 2013 at 10:59 pm #

    So I turned 25 a few days ago and it just so happens that my birthday was the day I “lost my virginity” and then a couple days later I was listening to an old podcast where you mention you hate that term and I totally agree!! I wouldn’t have understood what you meant before but yeah I don’t feel like I lost anything at all. I just gained a totally awesome experience that I plan on repeating often lol.

  120. Liz May 17, 2013 at 11:43 pm #

    Hey Sandra and Dave,
    I am just here to say thank you! Thank you a thousand times! I have listened to almost all of your podcasts and they have helped me immensely. I first listened about 7 months ago. At that time, my boyfriend of 5 incredible happy (and platonic) years and myself were virgins.
    I have been interested in sex from a young age and had read almost every resource there is to read about the physical science of sex BUT for some reason, the thought of applying my knowledge terrified me. I guess my parents did a great job of instilling sexual fear and a negative perception of sex into my mind. So I heard about your podcasts from a friend and was eager to listen. As I went through them I learned so much about sexual mentality and confidence, and I came to the realization that sex is NOT EVIL and BAD! The specific content of the shows is great but just listening to you and Dave talk about sex so casually put me into a different state of mind.
    I’m now a super happy sex nerd as well as an active participant in a variety of sexual activities! Life is good and sex is great! Thanks for all you do!

  121. Matt July 14, 2013 at 6:38 pm #

    Hi Sandra,
    I just wanted to say thank you very much for the podcast. It’s done a lot to help me become much more sex positive. I grew up in a very conservative family, and though I had a lot of help from friends of mine, I was never really able to grow in my own sexuality until I was able to get into your podcast.

    After getting started on it, I devoured your back catalog of episodes and am now much more open and comfortable with myself as a sexual being. I’m much more confident and in touch with my more dominate side in the bedroom, more in touch with my own needs and emotions, more open to new experiences (such as multiple partners and swinging/swapping), more open to the receiving end of anal play, and more open to my own bisexuality/bi-curiosity. And, perhaps most importantly, more open to the idea that, though these can be important and fun parts of my life, they don’t have to be my sole defining attribute and that it’s OK to be this way.

    Anyhow, thanks for everything!

  122. Bob August 30, 2013 at 1:05 pm #

    Have you seen this? http://www.dreamloverlabs.com/index.php
    Male training apparatus can only get better as time goes on and this is the start of women taking over.

  123. Molly C. October 7, 2013 at 5:35 pm #

    Hey Sandra,

    First of all I, obviously, love the podcast. I always listen to it while I’m driving and wonder what people think when they see me cracking up and/or talking to myself. Ah, if only they knew. Actually they really should know and listen too- what better partners and people we’d all be!

    I heard about the podcast from a friend I grew up with and now a whole group of us have started listening and discussing. Having never been open about sex, its nice to have a means of starting the conversation. Before, although we were all thinking it, we just kept it all to ourselves. Now, we meet up and it’s, “Oh did you hear the one about online dating? What about the prostate one?” So thank you for finally giving my friends and I the go ahead to start talking about sex and endless topics to keep us talking and laughing for hours. It’s obvious now that we all had a lot of pent-up energy surrounding the topic and it’s such a relief to get it all out. Not to mention keeping us close despite living all over the country. SO THANK YOU AGAIN AND AGAIN!

    I do have one question for you, however. I’ve been dating a few people and have can see myself having sexy time with more than one partner for the first time. I want to do so as safely as possible, but I also want to keep things casual, if possible. As someone who’s not very good at communicating about sex (I’m working on it, largely thanks to your podcast), I’m having a hard time breaking down the safe sex talk. How do I do it without killing the mood and what are the main points we should be covering? I want to be informed, but I’m not looking to spill every detail of my own sexual history nor do I necessarily need to know everything about my partners past (or do I??). I’ve picked up a little from the podcasts, but would love a quick break down of what points I should definitely touch on and maybe a little bit on how to do so gracefully. Feel free to direct me elsewhere if you can!

    Thanks again for bringing out my sad suppressed sex nerd! Go Team Fun!!

  124. nina October 21, 2013 at 8:55 am #

    Hey Sandra,
    I got introduced to your podcast a few months ago, shortly after discovering the Nerdist podcast and it has quickly become one of my favourites. I wanted to let you know how much the second half of your episode on robe bondage resonates with me. Your conversation with Rachael mirrored a conversation I have had with myself or with friends many times over. It has always been difficult for me to allow myself to feel vulnerable and break down that last barrier which is so essential in relationships. The idea that as independent women we are hesitant to express our emotions in order to avoid the stereotype of crazy is something I feel constantly. I know for me it is easy to assume that everyone I see around me in relationships must have already figured this out and I am the only one who doesn’t get it, so it was great to hear two women talk so openly about the same thing. Just having confirmation that other people face the same daily struggles that I do builds support, safety and motivation to keep facing up to challenges.
    So in addition to all the awesome sex nerd information, thank you for this beautiful moment of brave personal expression and solidarity!

  125. sam October 27, 2013 at 1:10 pm #

    i just want to say thank you so much the pod cast helped me feel more normal about my sexuality at first i thought i was a freak since i’m bi and watch porn and you’re work helped so thank you and you’re work is amazing and you are awesome when on TYT.

    thank you so much massive hugs

  126. Sarah November 3, 2013 at 1:28 pm #

    Sandra, the humor and humane-ness that characterizes your conversations make me feel SO much more comfortable approaching topics that I’m interested in but have always felt shy about exploring and taking on as part of my own sexual identity. Thank you for humanizing sex while still maintaining its sexiness!

  127. Christopher Baum November 13, 2013 at 4:26 pm #

    I have been listening for about a month now catching up to more current episodes and I love every bit of it. I am a very open person when it comes to sex and I appreciate that I can listen to like minded people. I do have a question on zodiac signs though. I am a Scorpio and when I was a teenager it felt like my sign was what I should follow and adhere to in a way. I personally found it to be beneficial because I’ve never really had anyone to openly talk too about sex so I researched everything myself. So my question is do you think people’s zodiac signs effect their thinking on how to perform in the bedroom? I don’t personally think about people’s signs anymore but was one of the big factors of choosing someone when I was younger.

    Thank you for what you do and keep up the amazing work.

  128. Kevin November 15, 2013 at 9:49 pm #

    For the longest time I had skipped over this podcast in ITunes, thinking “Meh, I already know plenty about sex in general and about what I like. There probably isn’t anything useful left for me to learn, and it’s probably just some sort of jerk-off material podcast anyway.” How wrong I was! I love this podcast! It’s fairly informative but comes in the easy-going conversational format I’ve come to know and love from The Nerdist Podcast. See also: You guys are just plain hilarious and fun! Still, I had no idea that I would actually gain anything from this podcast besides the occasional tip here or there that I might half-remember later in the bedroom.

    You see, I had been listening to the podcast for somewhere between several months to a little over a year, and my wife and I were having issues in our sexual relationship. Having kids puts a damper on things in general, but she was having serious issues with how I didn’t really seem to desire her as a specific person. It basically came down to her feeling like I was just using her body to get off, and that it didn’t really matter whether I was having sex with her or just jerking off to porn. I wish I could say that this was completely false, but I realize now that there was just an ounce of truth to her insecurities. My wife has always had a much greater libido than mine, and while I really do love her and absolutely love her body, I have just always had issues about getting really frustrated when I can’t reach orgasm. If I’ve ejaculated too recently (within the past day, generally speaking) or if I’m too tired I tend to just get worked up and worn out, and wind up feeling really shitty. Thus, deciding when we are going to have sex had always been on my terms. I didn’t want to have sex if i didn’t think I was going to be able to climax because I knew it would just be a negative experience for me. I think a part of this is just that I am a really goal-oriented person (and probably somewhere on the autism spectrum). I’m the kind of person who doesn’t like to exercise if I’m not walking/jogging/bicycling to some sort of destination. Anyway, this has obviously led to some serious emotional injuries being inflicted upon my dear wife, who had to deal with the very likely possibility of rejection every time she asked for sex, and who felt like she had to give in every time I was in the mood because she didn’t know when the next time I would say yes to her was going to be. This had come to a head several times, resulting in some very depressing conversations (we always say that as a couple we don’t really fight; we just have bouts of depression together) where I have had to be reminded that this is still an issue that she has been having since the last time it came up.

    It seems so obvious as a solution now, but because of your podcast I gained the clarity of thought that our real problem here was just my obsession with the idea that sex has to involve an ejaculation. This was a much smaller problem to deal with once I was able to break out of that basic assumption which had so drastically limited the ways in which we could even attempt to address our problems. So I told her that I thought we should actively try to disassociate ejaculation from our sex life, and I laid out a plan to spend a full week where we would have sex and specifically avoid any male orgasms mid-coitus. Needless to say, she was pretty thrilled with this concept as it meant far more sex than the paltry amount we were previously having. Although I must sadly report that my plan for that week did not exactly work out. My intention was just to jerk off before sex since I can pretty much never reach orgasm twice within several hours. The primary reason that this did not work out at all is that it is a lot easier for me to orgasm with my wife than by myself. I was barely able to succeed on the second night, but by the third night it was pretty clear that being so intent on orgasming before I could spend time with my wife was just going to result in the same old frustrations and fatigue. And then when I finally gave up and just went to go have sex I discovered that an orgasm that night was not as out of the question as it had seemed in the bathroom, and was in fact rather inevitable. What has proven to be a more productive approach has just been to find ways to keep having sex after I’ve orgasmed even if I’m exhausted and I can’t get hard (Fun “just-the-tip”: Men can wield strap-ons too! This was also fun for a one-man double penetration experiment). In the end we gave up on the week-long project and not a lot has really changed in the way we have sex most nights, but I think having the intention to change my attitude and making the attempt to disassociate sex from orgasm has really helped to shift the focus of our sexual relationship to a much healthier place. We do still try to have sex without the intent of ejaculation when we can. It’s just really difficult to make time for anything other than quickies when we have three small children, and it’s really difficult to disassociate the concept of orgasms for everybody from that type of sexual encounter where you don’t really have time or energy but you both just really need it.

    Anyway, I just wanted to thank you so much for making your podcast. Once I decided to give it a chance it quickly became one of my favorites, and now it has become one of a very small number of podcasts that has actually changed my life.

    (GO TEAM FUN!!!)

  129. Cliffton Thompson November 25, 2013 at 1:36 pm #

    One of my fave podcasts. Sandra, you have helped me to accept my own inner sex nerd. Not that it wasn’t always there, but I think I was ashamed. With you and, of course, the great Dan Savage, I have been able to open-up in my marriage about my sexuality.

    Thank you!

  130. loganarrowood December 15, 2013 at 6:39 pm #

    Sandra! I LOVE your podcast. I’m in a long distance relationship, and on those numerous drives to see my boyfriend, I love listening to anything that you have to say. Thank you so much for insightful and interesting topics! You’re keeping me knowledgable AND sexy!

  131. Sleepless N. Fillintheblank March 12, 2014 at 6:34 am #

    Sandra… On the road with my job about half the time each year, traveling all over the world. Have listened (lustened?) faithfully to the podcast so often I feel like we’ve already slept together. Just one question… WAS IT GOOD FOR YOU?

  132. Gabriela August 2, 2014 at 11:00 am #

    I Had a very awkward/embarrassing moment where my sister walked in on me and my bf having sex, so my question is how do you handle a situation like that so its not weird or uncomfortable for anyone?

  133. stoked for toys September 8, 2014 at 11:26 am #

    Sandra, been listening to your podcast for about a year now and love it! I got on board with it when the ‘Make Love not Porn’ episode came out and I still think about that episode a lot when having porny conversations with people. As many have mentioned above, it has also helped me become more comfortable with talking about everything sexual, that perhaps made me a little nervous to say aloud before. Anyways, I’ve been looking all over for a good site to buy some toys (as mine have met their sad demise) and then I remembered your promo on Adam and Eve and thought for some reason that it wouldn’t work on the specific thing I wanted, or there was some loop hole. .yada yada .. (I’m always skeptical of the alleged promos and discounts on things for some reason) but it DID!! And now I’ve ordered the vibrator I’ve been wanting for so long without feeling like I spent too much, along with some mysterious Big O Kit as an added free bonus. SOOO flippin excited!! Thanks a bunch! Keep casting!!:)

  134. Carlos September 28, 2014 at 6:47 pm #

    Are you going to have Jaiya back on the show? I think it would be great if you can get her back on the show and talk about her new book.

  135. Marrin October 7, 2014 at 9:08 pm #

    I’ve been a dedicated listener to your show since I first discovered it when there were about ten episodes aired. I’m only 18 now (I know, I’ve been a naughty monkey listening to your show as a minor!) but I am still a virgin and I just wanted to let you know that having this podcast to listen to as my sexuality developed was a huge comfort and a reassurance that I am cultivating a healthy attitude around sex and in fact convinced me to remain virgin until I am ready, and over 18… sex is supposed to happen between consenting adults, right? I feel like I now know my body and its limits and will go into my first sexual encounters confidently and with the knowledge I need to be safe! You have helped me become a strong, confident, and informed woman and I would not trade it for anything!
    I wish you all the best!

  136. Cliff October 8, 2014 at 3:34 pm #

    Hey Sandra
    Iv been listening to your podcasts for just over a week now,
    I find everything so helpful and thank you for what you do.
    But I have a bit of a problem iv been married now for 5 years and pretty much the
    Whole time it’s been a struggle with sex, my wife doesn’t really feel like doing anything,
    We are only in our mid/late 20s… I really enjoy sex and would like to be able to do it more then
    Once every other week, she doesn’t really get turned on even with all the basic things like four play and so on, iv done romantic stuff and sometimes that works, she would like me to do something special everytime e.g a dinner with candles, but I can’t do that everytime, I think sex should just happen sometimes to, she has told me that she could easily live without having sex,
    And that kinda just puts me down and I don’t feel at all that good enough, since I have listened to you I have tried some of your methods like the pussy hug but nothing works she just tells me no or said it doesn’t feel good just cuddle me.. I am always the one who puts out and try’s to get things going but I never get it in return, I can go on and on….
    Is there any advice you could give me that might help spice things op or just get her more in to wanting sex, we do have toys to but in General she just tells me to get it over with, and then I just feel stupid for even trying..
    Hope you have some info :)

  137. Anonymous January 8, 2015 at 5:23 pm #

    Sandra! And friends! I am a 30 year old woman who has never had a boyfriend/had sex/kissed. Ever. Unfortunately, I am a very successful product of the True Love Waits/chastity movement in the 90s. Of the many wrenches and weird scenarios this puts me in now, one of those is feeling like a perpetual adolescent in a woman’s body, like I haven’t really grown-up yet, like I’m a child playing dress up, trying to fool everyone. (And I do a pretty good job at it.)

    Deep down, though I have hopes and dreams and sexual fantasies, I feel like I haven’t yet earned my sexuality. My goal for this new year and next decade of my 30s (ugh) is to discover and embrace my sexuality in spite of my lack of sexual experience. I have found the episodes on late-bloomers and virginity especially encouraging and supportive, but it would be interesting to hear people’s thoughts on embracing sexuality separate from the act of sex. I know we are a rare bunch, but we are out there.”There are dozens of us! Dozens!” ;)

  138. Kay February 6, 2015 at 8:57 am #

    Hello Nerds and Geeks.

    It’s not that common for me to write comments, but I thought it would be polite to do so. About 5 years ago I was a shy, lonely, not exactly sex-positive person. Having grown-up in a quite…socialy tense society (think Japan, but in Europe) and then moved to a VERY catholic country I didn’t have much sex-positivity around. In fact the first time I watched porn I was around 18y/old, so, you know…sex…not so much.

    But at that time I started to embark on a bit of a journey of sex-positivity. Thanks at first to the girls around me whom helped me become more at ease (not girlfriends, just friends who are girls). Following on that I started to do a BIG introspection and along the way I discovered this great show. During this period of roughly five years I went through two suicide attempts, got a well paying job and quit a year later (stress), did a LOT of therapy and learned a LOT about myself.

    And here I am today, standing at a quarter of a century, openly “I love all the people, girls and boys (and all the joy in between)” and having all the sexy times. I also “lost” my virginity (gained sex, really) with a great guy. I bought sex toys, managed my difficulties to orgasm and, inspired by no one else than a certain SexNerd, am attempting to penetrate into the sex industry. I applied to work at my local sex-shop, but with ~40% unemployement didn’t get the job, saddly.

    So thank you so much to all the sex-positive people on the internet and specially our “Guru” SexNerd Sandra, for helping me feel better about my own quirky body. I’ll keep trying to work in the sex industry and go on my merry way through the rough seas of life.

    A huge hug from the (not so Socialist) Republic of Portugal!

  139. angrypoptart February 6, 2015 at 3:27 pm #

    Hi Sandra. I’ve been trying to draft up my own podcast where I review and talk about different adult toys on the market. I’m going to call it “Sexploration” Everything from condoms and lube to dildos and vibrators. I was thinking of adding in some sex education, however I am far from an expert. What is a good free resource with educational reading that I could scour for my insatiable curiosity with my own body and the opposite gender’s body? I would appreciate anything and everything!

  140. Julie March 5, 2015 at 3:45 pm #

    Hey Sandra
    First: Thumbs up! As many as I can find and thumb-nap :D
    You played a huuge part in my comming to terms with sexuality in general and the sex-business in my ex-relationship in specific. Thank you so much for that! And while I’m still not really comfortable with talking about it in public, I can at least tackle that subject with the people it matters with (doctors and partners)

    But now, for the “Important part”:
    I would have loved to call you, but since I’m not really in your telephone zone, I’ll have to send my love-lab-y question over here.
    I’ve been in a strange and unsettling relationship for the past three years. And I stayed a virgin. Not because of religous things, but because every time we tried to change that, he just went soft and blamed me for “being so tight and unexpirienced”. Needless to say, after I got into researching and Sex Toy buying, I ended that relationship asap.

    Now I’m in a new, great relationship, finally lost my kind-of-virginity to a great guy, only problem is – he’s the first timer of us two. And since I didn’t want to lay any pressure on him, I kinda left it in the open how expirienced I really am. And he’s got some real problems with reaching his climax and keeping himself up and hard.
    I really want to help and support him and I’m all like “Don’t put yourself under pressure, it’s all just for the fun, I’m having fun so no worries about that, what do you need…yaddieyaddieyaddie.”
    Now I’m asking you: What else is there I could try to help him? I don’t know stuff! My regular porn-latin has reached it’s end! I don’t worry about me, I’m, as I said, fine, but I’m pretty sure he worries about his performance and he’s overthinking stuff and in the end, both of us are trying to make up for things we didn’t do wrong. I probably could tell him about my prior problems without him freaking out too much, but I don’t know if it could easen our situation, especially since New Guy and Old Guy run into each other on a somewhat regular basis (and I don’t want to expose Old Guy)

    Since I’ve seen that you don’t answer that regularly anymore (which is fine, you’ve got podcasts to do and events to host and sex classes to teach!) I’d love to read advice from anyone who was willing to read through this whole wall of text.
    Sandra, keep on rocking, guys, keep on being sex positive!
    Julie out!

  141. Tanya B April 21, 2015 at 2:30 pm #

    First and foremost, I am a fan and love listening to the show. Being sex positive and supporting people to come out with their questions is great and awesome and amazing and I love it!
    As you most likely do NOT know April is Occupational Therapy month. I’m currently a student for OT and we have this huge push in our profession to spread the word about our seemingly stealthy allied health field( I like to think of myself as a ninja). A big part of what we do involves supporting our clients by helping them regain the ability to do what they want to do, or improve overall quality of life(I know, really descriptive right?). That can often include sex. We work with wounded warriors, people with spinal cord injuries and strokes, major traumatic physical or emotional injuries, practically any diagnosis and help them be functional in their lives.
    Recently, my classmates and I have been discussing how we would go about having “the sex talk” with our future clients and I recommended they listen to your show. Not purely for the education(although I’m sure they appreciated it for personal use) but also for your wonderful accepting and supportive attitude that comes out in every episode you do!
    Keep inspiring and helping the world accept their right as sexual beings!
    You are awesome!

  142. Alex April 22, 2015 at 3:52 pm #

    Sex Nerd Sandra Podcast episode with Charles Eisenstein

    ~On feeling like you lose a part of yourself in each lover;

    Hey Sandra! How’s your world been spinning lately, lady?

    Like you, I also felt like sex with someone robbed me of a little part of myself. (That’s a helluva way to start a conversation, hunh?) Letting myself be used, in a sexual way, was a gift to squander judiciously, doling it out to only those who had … … … proven themselves worthy?!? In hindsight, it dawned on me that not only was this a culturally imposed mindset, but a self-imposed one as well.

    For a time, I believed that BEING USED IN A SEXUAL WAY, WAS A GIFT A WOMAN CAN GIVE A MAN. These are two very polarizing concepts; for a person to voluntarily be used by another while synonymously gifting the culprit with the key to their most vulnerable Self. This way of thinking set me up for very different life lessons depending on my emotional fortitude & positive/negative self-image.

    1.‘Being used’ implies that you’re no longer new, no longer fresh, novel, nor exciting. To be used is to be disposable, hence replaceable. It is also quite final. (Cue the abandonment issues) I thought women had to build mystery & intrigue to forever keep a partner’s interest, because once the interest dies, it’s gone forever. I’ve seen how women continually modify their bodies and oftentimes their personalities, valiantly balancing that line between changeably coy, & unpredictably crazy. This mode of continually comparing yourself and what you have to offer to everyone around you – lying in wait to be replaced by a newer, younger, more interesting woman – is fertile breeding ground for Jealousy to take root. To ‘Be used’ one must also be Possessed. I once got lost in a lover who adored me for months, but that didn’t stop me from demanding that he ‘man-up & claim me!’ An individual’s possession of another person is reminiscent of many turbulent era’s in human history. People as property is a very Familiar concept, regardless of how morally inappropriate it is to act upon. However, if we choose to fall down rather than challenge the rabbit hole of normative social convention – where men buy cows, and women abstain from giving the milk away for free (& other chauvinistic patriarchal sentiments & euphemisms) – then we limit our ability to connect with each other safely, unashamedly, & wholly.

    2.On the other hand, a woman can choose to allow herself to be possessed by GIFTING her sexual prowess. Suddenly, sex is leverage. Sex is currency. Sex is a tool to manipulate the people around you – for good or naught. Wives have been known to hold sex hostage, just to get their husbands to ‘fall in line’. In other contexts, sex can be brandished like a weapon. As Peter Parker undoubtedly knows; sex – like genetic mutation – is a great power, that comes with a great deal of responsibility. Manipulating others with an offer of sex is an abuse of power. Physical intimacy demands Responsibility; consideration for the health & well-being of the minds, bodies, & emotions of all the people involved. Eventually, all my thoughts and opinions were clearly not lining up with social norms. Once they reached a tipping point, I sought out non-conventional, loving, & unifying views on sexual ethics.

    Now, that I have adopted this newfound mindset, I can see how my behavior lent itself to social expectations in the past. I can also see why I felt like I was giving a part of myself away to a guy whenever I had sex. For years my virginity was this prize I was to offer the man I deemed worthy, but since the sanctity of marriage was never a priority for me, I didn’t understand how to qualify the lucky-guy’s worth. I got to college and decided I didn’t want The Power of My Virginity to dictate how I interact with the people around me. Once that was no longer an obstacle I found myself willingly giving in to the men who shared my bed. Wanting to lose myself in them. I grew up in a single parent home, as an only child, and was very often lonely, so I wanted to give a part of myself away to another because, in a way, that meant that someone wanted a part of me. Someone thought a part of me was worth having and that’s all I could ever hope for – at least that’s what i told myself. So I slept around for a brief time until one of those guys decided he wanted to claim me – then my sense of loyalty anchored itself to monogamy. I didn’t know that this choice would be emotionally stunting for me. I was a ‘good’ girlfriend and made all the ‘right’ choices, or what I perceived was right at the time. But I hadn’t explored myself enough to know that there was no need to lose myself in someone. Instead I listened to popular belief, where losing myself in a guy felt like what I was supposed to do.

    Changing that concept in me was Hard!! After all, how do you emancipate yourself from the only way you’ve ever thought? … I don’t have an answer for that, beyond just Do It if that’s what you want- let the maxim ‘fake it till you make it’ guide you. At some point you must choose to think the thoughts that you believe in regardless of what other people think you should think. (As if THAT made any sense).

    Over time, and after alot of heartache, I have come to think differently about my relationship to sex. I grow, in all dimensions, with each new person I bring into my life. I learn something novel about myself and my place in the world, whenever I learn about someone else and how they choose to influence this earth. The times I learn the most from people, are in the caressing moments that exist post sex. Like Charles said, “Love is an expansion of Self to include another”. I believe that my potential for expansion is infinite. Therefore, my ability to Love must be also.

    So nowadays, i navigate the waters of ethical polyamory. it’s still a very new way to interact with the world. I naturally default to monogamistic tendencies and it confuses the guy that I’m currently seeing…and all his friends…and it would confuse his parents if they understood the nature of our affection. He’s been super self aware, he willingly communicates his feelings, and he’s happy to share my world during this new phase in life. …But I can’t shake the feeling; How do I adore him like I want to without hurting him when i meet another person I’m attracted to? He knows I’m poly but has no interest in considering anyone other than me. I also told him that I love him recently, because I do, but now his whole game has shifted and he’s just trying to win me over one day at a time. Here I am not losing myself in a man, and he’s doing everything ‘right’. I just don’t want to hurt him. I’m working on that & other challenges (Clearly, I could talk about this stuff All Day!)

    Overall, I find that polyamory is a lifestyle more in keeping with my belief that people share themselves as equals, & in mutual respect. It doesn’t fully nullify, but it greatly negates the power of jealousy, & it is rooted in open and honest communication which is invaluable when creating trust.

    All qualities that you have also reflected in how you conduct yourself.

    So thank you Sandra, for sharing yourself in this way.

  143. Julie April 25, 2015 at 9:25 pm #

    Soooo many things to be entertained by, to ponder, and to learn from on your podcast, and then today getting to be there for one of your blowjob classes (at the Phoenix Sexual Health Expo) … whew! What a friggin great time! Ton of laughs and learning unexpected fun new stuff (for a person well versed in the fellatio arena of sexy time fun).
    Anywho, sorry I was socially awkward (/”dying inside” you might say:) and started a convo by thanking you for being you. But, really, thanks for what you do out there in the world! Knowledge, sharing, fun & helping more people come along into a hopefully more sex-positive future.
    Hope to see you out in the Phoenix area again! Cheers & much <3

  144. Martin May 15, 2015 at 8:56 pm #

    So my girlfriend and I had been talking about oral sex for awhile and how much she really liked it from previous experiences, and how I had always wanted to give it. Knowing I had no experience in even finding my way around I knew I had to do something. So I “researched” and came across the podcast channel on iTunes and thought “surely there’s something on here about giving head to a girl.” Sure enough there was. And to say the least it was the best advice and let me know exactly what to expect and how to make it extremely enjoyable for her. I had her coming in like two minutes! The advice was so good in fact that she asked me numerous times if I had done it before. So thanks for the amazing advice!!

  145. Kayla May 29, 2015 at 3:27 pm #

    Heeey! Your podcast is awesome and totally sparked my creativity in the bang-bang room, AKA my small room + twin size bed. So now I want to share this awesome new trick that I think I invented (?). I told my partner that I had been listening to your podcast and wanted to try new moves on his cock. After doing a move I would say things like, “And that’s called The Virgin!” So I was getting super inspired and at one point I took my hands in a prayer pose and pointed my finger tips down toward the tip of his dick and allowed his cock to part my hands, running the length of his penis through my hands and up into my forearms (which were also touching). While his dick was still sandwiched between my forearms, I glided my hands over the front and underneath part of his balls, and brought it back all the way up the shaft and head in a wiping motion until my hands were closed again and at the starting position. And then, of course, I did it over and over again. When he asked, “Woah, what was THAT called?” I stopped and said, “That, my dear, was an original. I think I’ll call it ‘The Scorpion’ like the dude from Mortal Kombat with his hand-grabby move.” We had a good laugh, continued gettin’ our lovin’ on, sneakin’ a, “Get Over Here, Come Here!” line here and there…ya know… like Scorpion would say in the movie/vid game. Gah, I hope everyone knows Mortal Kombat or else this makes close to zero sense…like Sub-Zero sense. haHA!

  146. Mark Greene August 13, 2015 at 10:52 am #

    Hey Sandra, love your podcast! I have a question…Where are you??? Kidding, Take your time and hope you better

  147. Jerry D August 15, 2015 at 10:55 am #

    I just started listening to your podcast at a new job that allows us to listen to headphones. I think this podcast is amazing! I often times find my self laughing out loud listening, I’m sure my coworkers think I’m crazy by now. I started from the first podcast and I am now up to “Quemments #4:Blade Runner. I have no idea what that means, but I have learned that the titles can in no way describe what is discussed most of the time! Dave Ross is hilarious and you guys work great together! Keep on keepin on, I am sure I will be caught up and waiting for new episodes before long!…Also It’s weird to see your picture on here smiling and think to myself “she had her arm in a butt”, but I don’t judge too much.

  148. Christian Bunke September 23, 2015 at 6:24 pm #


    At the age of 18 I was diagnosed with prosatitis which basically means that something as simple as going to the bathroom is very painful. And even worse is having an orgasm is like playing Russian roulette where I’ve ended up in the hospital because the pain was to much for my regular pain killers to take care of. Because of this I’m now almost 26, I’ve never had sex or really done anything besides kissing a girl once. In the beginning it was hard to accept but I was able to put a mental block so my sexual desire was basically non existent. But unfortunately I was stupid enough to go out with my friends one night and I met a girl, we started chatting all night an geniuenly had a great time. At first I didn’t think it was possible, I’m not saying she is the perfect girl and that there is nothing wrong with her, of course we all have some baggage but she truly is the perfect girl for me. She even asked me out because I’ve been locked up in my apartment for so long I don’t know how to read signals but we’ve now been out on two dates + we have also just been hanging out both just us and with friends and now I’m starting to get scared.

    I really like her but how tha hell am I suppose to be able to have a relationship with a girl when I can’t even masturbate without there being some risk of pain and a possible hospital visit.Hell I even have more wet dreams per month then masturbation. I know sex is a really important part of a relationship so I honestly don’t know what to do here. It also doesn’t help that the only girl I’ve ever kissed was at a party and stopped making out with me when she felt the outline of my erection. She told me I was a bad kisser and that since her ex was 8-9 inches and I was only 5-5.5 it would just be a waste of her time. It had been two weeks since last time she had sex so “I’m in the mood to get fucked not be a teacher, maybe another time” then she called up her ex and he came to the party and they had loud sex in the bathroom and everyone at the party had heard what she said so it got really awkward and I left. That really messed with my head but now I think I’ve finally met a girl that I would be comfortable losing my virginity to, but my health problems, penis size and also my inexperience, how can I expect her to just be okay with it. My best case scenario in my head is that I’m able to last 30 seconds and just feel discomfort, and that isn’t really how I want my first time to be. I want to for once in my life feel like a man, I want to know what it’s like to feel the touch of a woman but I just don’t know where to start.

    A reply to my email if you answer this on your podcast would be much appreciated, also if u just have advice for me I would love some answers on my email aswell.

  149. Kai November 6, 2015 at 7:44 pm #

    Hey! I recently discovered your podcast, and it has had a positive impact of my life, and Stuff, and Things. So, thanks!

  150. laurenp118 November 21, 2015 at 10:01 am #

    Hi Sandra!
    I just wanted to write and share my story. I was a virgin until I met my husband. I guess you could say I grew up learning to suppress my sexuality – somewhat influenced by religion, but there were other factors, too. One way I have been trying to become more comfortable with sex in general has been listening to your podcast. I like how it is educational while also entertaining. I’m someone where the more I learn, the more comfortable I become.
    Since getting married, I still wasn’t enjoying sex. I knew a lot was still mental, but it was also painful at times, depending on the position. I figured it was just because I was new to sex and I just needed to get used to it. Around that time, I listened to you podcast with the Pelvic Guru(s). I was fascinated with the second interview with the pelvic floor physical therapist. Who knew they existed?!
    I went to my primary care doctor and mentioned the painful sex. She did a gynecological exam to make sure nothing was wrong, but didn’t see anything. She then referred me to a Women’s Physical Therapy clinic – just like what was discussed on your podcast!
    I was still worried that the pain was still just all in my head. However, at my first appointment, my physical therapist was very kind, very understanding, and very helpful. She explained the layers of muscles in the vagina, explained the process and treatments, and explained that I was in total control – if I was ever uncomfortable with something, we would stop. She did the internal exam, and before I could even tell her “yep, that’s where it hurts!”, she could feel how tight the muscle was. She assured me it was definitely not just “all in my head” and it was definitely something that could be fixed. She compared it to doing the splits – she could ask me to do the splits right now and I could be forced to completely do it, but it would be extremely painful and there could be tearing. That’s what my vagina experiences during sex. So we have to slowly work to be able to ‘do the splits’. She also explained all the nerve endings in the vagina and how part of the process is teaching those nerves not to send “DISTRESS!” signals to the brain when they’re activated.
    I am also going to see a mental health therapist, since I know my issues with sex come from both areas. I have only had a couple of appointments so far, but I am excited to see progress and know that it will get better. I WANT to enjoy sex. And I know I’ll get there. My husband has been extremely understanding and patient. He knows we have the rest of our lives to learn about each other and enjoy sex.
    Reading about others’ stories, I guess I was also lucky that I didn’t have to go to doctor after doctor with this issue and I am even more happy with my primary care doctor for referring me immediately to the right people.
    I am also thankful for your podcast and the variety of topics you cover! I never would have known about this type of treatment or believed it really existed and could help. Since I am newly discovering my sexuality, I’ve really enjoyed your podcasts on the basics, late bloomers, sex and Jesus, and married sex, among many more!
    I know this was a long story, but all of this is to say thank you for the help you’ve provided and I look forward to many more great podcasts!

  151. Greg December 1, 2015 at 7:22 am #

    Is there an email address?

Nerd out here & at the Sex Nerd Sandra facebook page!

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