Where’s the lube, Penguin?

3 very special summaries of 3 very special toys:

The Persnickety Penguin

Long and lean, the Persnickety Penguin is a vibrating thong with a 90% chance of giving its wearer a hell of a good time… and a yeast infection. This fussy little fella presents a welcoming tail of anal beads ripe for your rear end. Make sure not to move much, ladies, or you’ll be wiping the wrong way. Yikes.


The Stranger

When it comes to design, no one beats the Germans. Made of medical-grade silicone, The Stranger looks like a decapitated lavender demon-tentacle ready to ride you right. I’ll take two, please.


The Muffin Mucker

Nothing says toxic strawberry stench like this dual-action gem. Known for its way with the ladies, The Muffin Mucker will leave your baked goods crumbling from ecstasy. No, really. Have you had Your muffin mucked today?

***this blog was inspired by yesterday’s run in with the last Persnickety Penguin, as it is such a terrible toy, we will no longer be selling it. I bid this endangered species farewell.

2 thoughts on “Where’s the lube, Penguin?

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