Sex… and Cancer!? Episode 10 Links & Tips

Wow. Well this week’s show is a solid win for wellness. In the studio Dave Ross and I had Rachel, a passionate, vivacious woman living with cancer. When I met her I was moved by just how pissed she was at her doctors for not knowing a thing about sex & cancer, so of course, I had to have her on the show!

This post is in 3 Parts: Fundraising, Links & Extra Tips from Rachel!

1) Fundraising

I am raising money for Elaine, my wonderful “Taboo” podcast guest. Sex Nerd Sandra is a non-profit show done out of love. So PLEASE SUPPORT MY DEAR FRIEND TO HELP ME SLEEP BETTER AT NIGHT. She was just diagnosed with breast cancer. This is breast cancer awareness month. Please click on the link and support.

Now to the sex part…

2) Links to Stuff mentioned on this week’s show:

Luna Beads for vaginal fitness (welcome to THIS gun show!)

Je Joue Ami kegel ball set (alternate route to the gun show)

Sliquid Natural Organic Lube (great for women who are sensitive to chemicals)

FeMani Vibes vaginal dialators (3 different sizes to choose from. Strong vibration, too. Bonus!)

Silk Tantus dildo in 3 sizes. Silicone option for dialation.

Botanicals for Hope has body products specifically designed for cancer patients to stay silky smooth & sexy!

Book: “Urban Tantra” by Barbara Carrellas (Fantastic exercises for getting sexy-minded and connecting with yourself or your partner.

Book: “Nina Hartley’s Guide to Total Sex”

AND here’s a book I just saw that’s pertinent: “Intimacy After Cancer: A Woman’s Guide

3) More tips from Rachel (Sandra’s 2 cents in parentheses):

*It’s such a gift this go round to have someone who helps you to feel beautiful, sexy and special. It’s something every person dealing with cancer needs to feel from their partners. It lets you know you are alive and you aren’t done yet. 🙂

*DON’T FORGET:Kissing, holding hands, and hugging are all apart of the sex act. Use them to connect with the one you care for. Do ’em MORE than you think you need too.
*Anything that slowly gets your body back into the groove is worth the time. It’s been shocked and your brain needs some warm up time.

*Massage is SO incredibly helpful. I makes you relax, leads to better sex, and helps your body to heal. Smell can be an issue during Chemo so non scented is best.

*Jimmy Jane Massage stones are great after you have treatments like infusions or shots. The stones help the muscles to relax . I carry my stone in my purse and use it when I have leg cramps or on my ass after the infusions are over. So you don’t need a partner to gain a benefit.

*The heat from Jimmyjane Massage Candles feel good. They also help with the dry skin that comes with hormonal imbalance. (My fave scents are Pink Lotus & Bourbon. Yum!)

*Learning about messaging the penis is also really important since during chemo your partner might not want you giving them a blow job. EVEY heterosexual women needs to learn about the penis!!! (Don’t worry, a blowjob podcast with video companion is in the works)

*Use a dialator at least 3-5 x’s a week. (That can be a dildo or vibrator. Just something you feel comfortable with). If you insert it use a condom while on chemo. Use it even when you aren’t in the mood. Your vagina will thank you.

*Upon entry when you are dry. Apply lots of lube and then tell your partner to go really slow. Maybe just using the head of the penis rocking back and forth while gently pushing in farther. Use breathing techniques to relax,  and build up to the moment of entry, kissing while you are doing it or any action that makes the moment feel good.

*Sensory toys can be really nice too. Things like blindfolds with feathers or what ever you like. (Sex time is also playtime. It doesn’t have to be about blindfolds)

*SPEND TIME exploring your body with and without your partner again. Things may have changed and now you may need to re-learn some stuff. TELL YOUR PARTNER, “I am will not break don’t worry.” And, if you think you might break tell him/ her, “I am afraid I might break so lets take our time and explore.”
Hope this helps. Women need help with this issue. Many of them still feel very lonely. It is saddening to think something so normal can cause such pain.


Thanks, Rachel! When the website is up, Bare Naked Baked Sale is where she is helping raise money for Botanicals for Hope.
(p.s. When I meet a male-bodied person passionate about sex & prostate cancer, you bet I’ll do the male focused version of this show.)

4 thoughts on “Sex… and Cancer!? Episode 10 Links & Tips

  1. Excellent episode, glad to hear you all together (almost “again”) and about as positive and non-saddening a discussion as the subjects (including medical goofiness and irresponsibility on the part of doctors) will allow…I did drop a bit into the coffer last time, and look forward to seeing the Suppressed vid.

    And, of course, anyone giving you guff, Sandra, is a fool. It’s been a while since I’ve been in LA, and I shudder to think about just how prevalent anorexia is there…

  2. I was listening to the podcast and I became incensed by the way her doctor’s and her friends’ doctors answered the question of what to do about sex after her procedure.

    My fiance has vulvar vestibulitis and we had to go through similar issues. It took us 5 doctors before someone could actually diagnose it and a sixth to actually treat it. Two of them told her the excruciating pain she experienced from any vaginal touch was all in her head. FYI the diagnostic method for determining if you have vulvar vestibulitis (I’m not joking with this and it is actually effective) is to take a soft fluffy q-tip and place it gently on the skin of the labia and vestibule and rate the pain on a scale of 1 to 10. On her first visit to a doctor who did this test, the gentle touch of a q-tip had her practically jump across the table from the pain.

    And it took SIX doctors to touch her with a q-tip to diagnose her as something other than BV or a head case. Much of this as well as questions about sex after hyper-menopause results simply from people, including doctors who should know better, not talking about issues and potential issues of the vagina as it relates to sex.

    BTW after several months of treatment, we are finally able to start having a sex life, though it is slow developing as she gets past the idea of “sex = pain” as well as the fact that she still has a trouble spot we have to avoid (though the spot is not nearly as bad as it once was).

  3. Hey Sandra. I just listened to this podcast and I want to make sure to put in a word about the Omega 7 tip. It totally works! Even in full health, I’ve never been a very wet person on my own but taking sea buckthorn capsules has made a huge difference. Thanks!

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