My voice was on the radio this week on “The Dating Advice Girl Show” with Erin Tillman for the sex episode. I had a great time sharing my top tips for hookups and new relationships. At one point, Erin posed an interesting question:
“How many erogenous zones are there?”
Well, I knew the answer right away:
“There are no erogenous zones. The ENTIRE BODY is an erogenous zone! Every inch, every spot on the body has potential. And everyone is wired differently.”
I went on to explain that the concept of having erogenous zones is a framework or lens through which to view the body. It is a helpful tool, but NOT a definition of what we are. You can draw out as many zones as it takes to help you understand how to pleasure and enjoy the body.
When she asked the question, my mind flashed to the multitude of magazine covers hollering at the checkout line, “FIND OUT HIS NEW EROGENOUS ZONE!” and similar fresh takes on the human body. We’ve been boinking for thousands of years, my friends. There is nothing new. Only new perspectives.
For instance, here’s a list I whipped up of common nerve ending hot spots (HINT: This is NOT all inclusive!):
- Back of the neck
- Inner Elbow
- Between the fingers
- Base of the spine
- The ENTIRE pelvic region from belly button to thigh, back AND front
- Back of the knees
- Grazing with fingertips
- Licking (I dare you to come up with a dozen different licks)
- Open-mouthed incisor pressure and grazing (gentle vampire!)
- Sucking (no hickies!)
- Closed Mouthed Pecking
- Open Mouthed Kissing
- Tapping & Slapping
- and a mixture of these!
This, too, is not a comprehensive list, yet the variety you could discover just in your own creativity with the above verbs could keep you very busy for several sexy dates. What the magazines leave out in their headings is that the greatest bedroom tool we have is our creativity.
And here we arrive at the point. Creativity, the element oft left out of the sexual pleasure discourse. Empower yourself to experiment. Be the cartographer of your own erogenous zones and that of your lover. Explore, venture, discover.
Some may call this stuff foreplay. I call it a good time for always.